Group 1: White Paper Rough Draft

jstn's picture
Submitted by jstn on Fri, 04/24/2009 - 22:24

There is much work to be done regarding our white paper. Although we each believed we were fully aware of how to compose our respective pieces, it turned out that we each differed a little in the specifics, which in turn lead to formatting issues and general inconsistencies. Furthermore, in the final draft we will include significantly more supplemental images and data tables, as well as a works cited. One thing I had issues with in this draft was manipulating Microsoft Word to layout the design we had chosen, which was likely only a problem due to the short time frame we had remaining after bringing the rough draft together.

re: Group 1: White Paper Rough Draft

Nathaniel's picture
Submitted by Nathaniel on Sun, 04/26/2009 - 19:03.

With respect to the core of the assignment, the white paper is solid: you have outlined four solutions in an unbiased fashion with some attempt to compare them across a common rubric. There is, however, room for improvement in both content and design.

As you revise the white paper, pay attention to the following elements:

  • Provide an executive summary and an introduction. The executive summary (which is distinct from the introduction) summarizes the entire white paper. In other words, the executive summary gives away the "ending" of this white paper, summarizing any and all of its key conclusions/points of comparison. While you have some of the elements of an introduction on page two, that is too late for the introduction to appear. The introduction needs to be up front so that it can properly frame the white paper. In other words, both these missing sections will provide the necessary framework for this white paper.
  • Allow for multiple ways of reading white papers. While the body text is solid, there need to be more elements (e.g., bullet lists, captions for images, and tables that compare features) that account for the fact that white papers are rarely read all the way through. The white paper needs to account for the many readers who raid them and skim them.
  • Balance your sections. Each section, each technology, should receive the same care and attention - this is an important way to avoid the appearance of bias. It is also necessary to allow the reader to make an informed decision. Each technology should have the same number of sections and the same talking points (installation, limitations, economic efficiency, etc.). Right now, each solution is described in different ways, making the comparison more between apples to oranges and than apples to apples. For instance, the SharePoint is described in terms of "What is Microsoft SharePoint," "Services," and Compatibility," whereas Google Documents is described in terms of "Privacy," "Document Sharing," and "Cost." You do not want four independent summaries.
  • Watch your language. On the first page you write "'minor league'" and "failing collaborative environment." While "minor league" is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, it could offend. And "failing" comes as a surprise as the white paper is framed as way to improve small businesses not save them. Be careful with the tone such language creates and how it might alienate readers. Also, avoid "sales pitch language" like that found on page three: "The price of Microsoft SharePoint is a drop in the bucket as to what it has to offer for your company." This white paper is not biased, but this kind of language will make readers weary of a hidden agenda.
  • Provide captions and labels for all of your images. Remember, white papers are rarely read all the way through by every reader; some just read the summaries and captions. Additionally, make sure captions are visually distinct text.

    • Other minor (though important issues):

    • Make sure you include a bibliography. That is kind of a big deal.
    • Avoid second person in professional documents such as this.
    • Revise the text for concision. For instance, you can cut phrases such "With this" in the "What is Collaboration Section" where you write "With this, Dr. Donovan..."
    • Read text out loud to catch awkward and/or confusion sentence constructions and phrasing.

    With these revision, your white paper will be in much better shape.