FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
May 20, 2009
Overwhelming Response to Oprah's Downloadable Free Meal Coupons Leaves KFC In A Tight Spot
May 8, 2009 - Hit by a tidal wave of customers who were promised a free meal from KFC by Oprah, KFC found themselves unprepared to meet the demand.
Oprah, who has sponsored many free giveaways for viewers in the past, announced her sponsorship of a downloadable coupon available for 24 hours on Oprah.com that entitled the customer to one free meal at KFC consisting of two pieces of the new grilled chicken, two side orders, and a biscuit.
Many viewers of the show who attempted to download the coupon not only had trouble accessing the coupon at the same time, but also went out in droves to KFC restaurants to redeem the coupon and completely overwhelmed the businesses.
Although corporate KFC was extremely pleased to see such a number of people who enjoy KFC chicken, their unpreparedness for the situation left many loyal customers dissatisfied.
In an attempt to remedy the situation and keep the business of loyal customers, KFC has announced that they will be offering rain checks for the coupon for any customer that was unable to get a free meal, along with a free Pepsi to try and assuage any bad feelings about the situation on the customers' part.
The whole of the United States is suffering economically, which makes pretty much anything that can be gotten for free very valuable. Many of the customers who were denied use of the coupon were unemployed, and therefore especially disappointed at the loss of a free meal.
KFC understands the value of a free meal in a country undergoing economic strain, and is glad to see how many fans there are of their chicken, so although many KFC customers were initially very disappointed with the way the coupon offer was run, they may feel more forgiving when offered a raincheck and an additional free Pepsi by KFC.
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Response
1)Looks good
2)Looks good, but what city is this based in?
3)Free Meal Coupons Leaves KFC In A Bind
4)Oprah's KFC coupons result in chicken deficiency in the U.S.
5)Your starting sentence was confusing and you need to shorten what happen and get to the point.
KFC
1. Need a city or a specific place in the 1st paragraph.
2. Sounds like an advertisement rather than just bare facts in some sections.
3. KFC Overwhelmed By Free Meal Coupons.
4. May 8, 2009 [location]- KFC was unprepared to meet the demand of Oprah's free meal coupons.
5. Address all aspects of the problem well and gives a good plan layout in the conclusion.
In the 7th paragraph, the opening sentence needs to be written more formally.
GM group's comments
1. Need contact information (even if made up). You need the city, state, and/or country that you are addressing.
2. There isn't a professional email address.
3. KFC Giving Rainchecks and Free Pepsi to Replace Denied Coupons
4. Customers who were unable to redeem their coupons on (date) are eligble for a raincheck coupon that includes an additional free pepsi.
5. There wasn't much on how KFC plans to fix the problem. You should expand on how KFC fixes the problem and less on what the problem actually was.
On the otherhand, you give good facts (so don't eliminate all of them) :)
comment
1. City. otherwise good
2. looks good, no obvious grammatical issues
3. KFC's lack of free chicken causes outraged Americans
4. KFC's grilled chicken meal was unable to fill the stomach's of many Americans who were offered a coupon for a free meal by Oprah.
5. How people can relate. This deals well with people's emotions and really is relevent in this economy.
Could be more factual. Since it appeals to the emotions so well, it might be missing some facts.
peer review
1. Need detailed contact information.
2. Make sure you avoid trying to report on the actual incident - stick to the facts, what happened, why, and what KFC is doing about it.
3. Original headline is good buutttt: KFC Runs Out of Chicken!
4. KFC customers were left unhappy when free chicken coupons could not be honored because of high demand.
5. Did a good job of avoiding fancy language
Provide as much contact information as possible.
re: KFC draft press release
Focus on making your tone more formal to match genre conventions. Terms such as "tight spot," "bad feelings," and "pretty much anything" don't fit press release language. You should also avoid referring to Oprah Winfrey by only her first name. It would be better to sidestep the issue by stating that the coupon offer was made during The Oprah Winfrey Show.