Contact Information:
Fritz Henderson
General Motors
Phone: (123)456-7891
Fax: (987)654-3210
fritzybaby@hotmail.com
www.gm.com
GM Redesigned:
An Inside Look at the New Face of GM
After GM’s declaration of bankruptcy on June 1st, 2009, it plans to do an about-face to change its public image. It intends to reshape its corporate infrastructure along with automobile manufacturing to pave the way for a stronger future.
Although GM took a massive blow from declaring bankruptcy, this move was essential to getting the company back on its feet. This allowed the company to receive government aid to jump-start its recovery from America’s financial crisis. GM is not starting off with a clean slate; debts to settle and a reputation to refurbish.
During these strenuous economic times, GM is not the only automobile company to feel monetary losses. In 2008, Ford lost 14.8 billion dollars in sales; in 2009, Toyota lost 4.4 billion dollars. It would appear that people simply can no longer afford the unreliable and inefficient vehicles of the past. This is why GM is making a change of pace in the world of automobile manufacturing.
GM is taking its best automobiles, including GMC, Cadillac, Buick, and Chevrolet, and remodeling them to higher standards. President Obama has made demands for higher fuel efficiency standards on all vehicles in the United States; GM intends to surpass these requirements. By 2016, GM intends to have all vehicles operating at a minimum of 35.5 miles per gallon on the highway. These standards will allow automobile owners to save 3,000 dollars in fuel over the lifetime of the car.
Warrantees on all previous GM vehicles will still be honored. All new vehicles include a 60 day money back guarantee; this ensures that any new owner of a GM vehicle is unsatisfied with their purchase, they can bring their car back for a full refund, no questions asked.
As always, GM prides itself on taking care of its employees. In spite of the reconstruction of the company, all employees will still receive the same pension, healthcare, and insurance benefits. With an anticipated increase in sales, GM’s first priority is to reopen many of its recently closed dealerships.
peer review
1. Contact information should be located at the bottom of the document, and IMMEDIATE RELEASE should be present at the top. Might want to try and make headline more clear, including the timely information(date, city, etc.) afterwards. ENDS or ### should be at the bottom of the document to indicate the end. Maybe include some background information on GM.
2.Need a company email. Avoid the "BUY ME" mistake - the part about Toyota and Ford could sound too much like a plug for your new program. Good line breaks.
3. GM looks to rebound after filing for bankruptcy
4. Detroit, MI - June 1st, 2009- GM declares bankruptcy but also plans to reevaluate their public image and corporate infrastructure.
5.Deal with the facts: includes a lot of information and detail with numbers and figures
Avoid excessive use of adjectives and fancy language - use simple language
Group Comment
1.There seem to be some formatting issues in this document. The contact information needs to be presented at the end of the document. Also, a date to be released should be prior to the title.
2.There seems to no common press release mistakes besides the formatting. However, you can always find ways to make a document better.
3.GM Gets a Facelift.
4.GM falls into bankruptcy and are now in full motion to change their public image.
5.Make sure the information is newsworthy: I think this was a very good choice simply because it is very newsworthy and it’s something that could be pulled directly off a fresh copy of a newsletter. Make sure the first 10 words of your release are effective, as they are the most important: I thought that maybe you could make the intro a little more appealing to draw in the readers, and have more of an initial shock.
Response
1)Need to look at the format web page again
2)The organization is not pleasing to the eye and the text is wrapping.
3)Dont want to say 'New Face of GM' when youre declaring bankruptcy. Maybe use- GM Announces Bankruptcy - short and concise
to be continued...
Question #2 of Self Evaluation (GM group)
2.
Grammar: 1st paragraph: "along with automobile manufacturing strategies.
Make sure the press release is in one tense. (I prefer the present tense.)
2nd paragraph: GM is not starting off with a clean slate; debts to settle and a reputation to refurbish. = incomplete sentence.
Probably shouldn't include the exact numbers of the losses for other companies. Sounds like tattling.
I like the part about surpassing the government standards. Though it may be a hype flag.
I think the specifics about fuel efficiency are not needed. It could come across as a sales pitch. (probably worth asking Dr. Tirrell about it)
Re: sweet press release
1) Contact Information belongs at the bottom of the press release.
2) Opening needs to formally state date and a location (look at some of the examples).
3) Just some things that need smoothing out.
Opening paragraph, first two sentences try revising to this, "After its declaration of bankruptcy on June 1st, 2009, General Motors plans to do an about-face to change its public image and reshape its corporate infrastructure along with automobile manufacturing to pave the way for a stronger future." Need to have at least the first time their name is used spelled out. Also try not to have so many "its."
gm's self evaluation
1. I think we did the formatting wrong... the contact info is supposed to be at the bottom of the page.
re: sweet press release
I agree with your commenters. Make the format changes, and avoid mentioning other companies. More importantly, focus on the changes GM is making going forward. Make that the event the press release is announcing. The current headline implies that this is the document's focus, and it would be beneficial from a corporate standpoint.