1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes. All of these parts are included in the cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Yes. You have a nice tone in your letter. It is not overly formal, but not too casual either. You have found a nice balance.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes. I think that you did a good job. You stated your qualifications and your experiences with them. You make it clear as to how you would be good in this position and give them a reason to hire you.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There is one sentence that I would change. You say “I am applying to become a campus consultant for Sports Illustrated and I found the advertisement for the job on Purdue’s career center website.” I think it would flow better if you were to write “I am applying fir the campus consultant position for Sports Illustrated that I found on Purdue’s career center website.” Otherwise, I think the rest is good.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes. You state that you have leadership abilities and understand the importance of teamwork in your second paragraph. You then discuss your communication skills and personality type and how you have used them effectively in the past. I really like how you have your letter setup. One of the paragraphs concentrates on teamwork and leadership and shows how your experiences with both of these fit together. The other focuses on communication and your personality and again shows how these two fit together. If it is possible for you to do, you may want to show how your experience of all four skills fit together to really show your talent. If you can not do this, however, I think it is already good as written. Also, something else to consider is going back and look at the original job ad and reading through all the responsibilities again to make sure that you have addressed those either here in your cover letter or in your resume, or both.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You said that you think you would be good at this job and that you have the right qualifications, such as teamwork and communication skills. You also mentioned being able to bring excitement to the position. All the reasons you mentioned are objective; none are personal, which is fine in my opinion.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes. I have mentioned in my previous answers, you talk about teamwork, leadership, and communication a lot. It is written so that anyone can understand it and makes it easy to see why you are a good candidate for this position.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes. You covered all of these in the first paragraph.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
All of your contact information is repeated from your header again in the closing paragraph. You also mentioned setting up an interview, which is good. I think this cover letter does end on a high note. You wrote that you are very interested in the position and want to set up a time to talk about it sometime. You then thanked them for taking their time to read through your application materials and for considering you.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
As I mentioned earlier, if you are able to show all four of those skills combined in a certain situation, I think that would make your cover letter spectacular. It would really show off your abilities. You have already written an impressive cover letter either way. Good job!
Form and Style
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yep. good job!
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Looks Beautiful.
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I like it. I like the line between the header and the letter.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Perfect. Professional, but not too formal.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
Looks good to me.
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes it does. i like that your first paragraph mentioned Teamwork and Communication and then your next two paragraphs talked about those things.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, but I think this could be a little stronger. Your first paragraph starts out talking about who you are and where you go to school. This information can easily be found on your resume. Tell them something they don't know. Tell them why this job stands out to you as something that would be really interesting. People who like there job are better at it. Make sure they know you will like this job.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes. I liked how you tied in your experience with sports to how you developed your skills and how these skills will relate to the position.
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes it does.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes. By phone or email.
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would say the most important thing for you to work on would be to stress the relationship between the skills you have and have developed to what you can contribute to the job. I think you do a good job of this already, but if you work a little harder at it, it will be wonderful.
Form and Style
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes the author included all of the necessary parts.
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
The style of the letter fits the occasion. The author addresses all of her strengths as well as a paragraph trying to persuade the company. The cover letter should be sufficient to accompany a resume.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The writer talks about one’s self, but does not brag. This person is just displaying the facts necessary to get an interview.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I see no grammatical errors
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes, the writer speaks of the job add and tells them why she would be a great fit for the job.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, her love for sports and wanting to get others involved in sports was her reason for applying.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, strong communication skills was a skill identified by the author that others would recognize.
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, the cover letter lays out why the writer is well-suited for the job.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, phone and email
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I do not see any major revisions.
Comments
Peer Editing
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes. All of these parts are included in the cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Yes. You have a nice tone in your letter. It is not overly formal, but not too casual either. You have found a nice balance.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes. I think that you did a good job. You stated your qualifications and your experiences with them. You make it clear as to how you would be good in this position and give them a reason to hire you.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There is one sentence that I would change. You say “I am applying to become a campus consultant for Sports Illustrated and I found the advertisement for the job on Purdue’s career center website.” I think it would flow better if you were to write “I am applying fir the campus consultant position for Sports Illustrated that I found on Purdue’s career center website.” Otherwise, I think the rest is good.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes. You state that you have leadership abilities and understand the importance of teamwork in your second paragraph. You then discuss your communication skills and personality type and how you have used them effectively in the past. I really like how you have your letter setup. One of the paragraphs concentrates on teamwork and leadership and shows how your experiences with both of these fit together. The other focuses on communication and your personality and again shows how these two fit together. If it is possible for you to do, you may want to show how your experience of all four skills fit together to really show your talent. If you can not do this, however, I think it is already good as written. Also, something else to consider is going back and look at the original job ad and reading through all the responsibilities again to make sure that you have addressed those either here in your cover letter or in your resume, or both.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You said that you think you would be good at this job and that you have the right qualifications, such as teamwork and communication skills. You also mentioned being able to bring excitement to the position. All the reasons you mentioned are objective; none are personal, which is fine in my opinion.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes. I have mentioned in my previous answers, you talk about teamwork, leadership, and communication a lot. It is written so that anyone can understand it and makes it easy to see why you are a good candidate for this position.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes. You covered all of these in the first paragraph.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
All of your contact information is repeated from your header again in the closing paragraph. You also mentioned setting up an interview, which is good. I think this cover letter does end on a high note. You wrote that you are very interested in the position and want to set up a time to talk about it sometime. You then thanked them for taking their time to read through your application materials and for considering you.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
As I mentioned earlier, if you are able to show all four of those skills combined in a certain situation, I think that would make your cover letter spectacular. It would really show off your abilities. You have already written an impressive cover letter either way. Good job!
Hope the Helps!
Form and Style
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yep. good job!
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Looks Beautiful.
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I like it. I like the line between the header and the letter.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Perfect. Professional, but not too formal.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
Looks good to me.
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes it does. i like that your first paragraph mentioned Teamwork and Communication and then your next two paragraphs talked about those things.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, but I think this could be a little stronger. Your first paragraph starts out talking about who you are and where you go to school. This information can easily be found on your resume. Tell them something they don't know. Tell them why this job stands out to you as something that would be really interesting. People who like there job are better at it. Make sure they know you will like this job.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes. I liked how you tied in your experience with sports to how you developed your skills and how these skills will relate to the position.
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes it does.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes. By phone or email.
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would say the most important thing for you to work on would be to stress the relationship between the skills you have and have developed to what you can contribute to the job. I think you do a good job of this already, but if you work a little harder at it, it will be wonderful.
I hope this helps
Form and Style
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes the author included all of the necessary parts.
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
The style of the letter fits the occasion. The author addresses all of her strengths as well as a paragraph trying to persuade the company. The cover letter should be sufficient to accompany a resume.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The writer talks about one’s self, but does not brag. This person is just displaying the facts necessary to get an interview.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I see no grammatical errors
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Yes, the writer speaks of the job add and tells them why she would be a great fit for the job.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, her love for sports and wanting to get others involved in sports was her reason for applying.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, strong communication skills was a skill identified by the author that others would recognize.
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, the cover letter lays out why the writer is well-suited for the job.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, phone and email
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I do not see any major revisions.