Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes. Be sure to include the colon after Dear Sir or Madam.
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
No. The bulleted items are not aligned to the left margin.
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Well, it’s not too informal, but I’m not sure you should use the bulleted list. This format is more of a fit for your resume than your cover letter. I think you should just write this in the same format as the rest of your letter and just put these things in a list. That will also give you a chance to elaborate on them more as well.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
As I was reading through it, I felt like you were rushing them to make a decision and set up an interview. While you should be assertive, I think you may have crossed the line. The part where you wrote that you will call them during a specific week to set up an appointment especially pushes this issue. I would suggest that you simply say that you are eager to work for them and are willing to start immediately upon getting the job. Be excited to setup an interview, but just give them your contact information. You can follow up later anyways.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
It should be Microsoft Office, Excel, and PowerPoint.
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You mentioned that you have team and leadership training as well as communication skills and basic computer skills. However, all you do is mention them. You should expand on this and give specific situations when you have used these skills and what the results were because of it. Doing this will help improve your odds of making a better impression on the person reading your material and ultimately help you get the job. Now, I do not know much about this field, but I would recommend that you read through the job ad again, especially the 11 principles duties they have listed and make sure that the skills you present can relate to these duties. This will show that you can actually do the job.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You stated that your skills match the job requirements, but beyond that you do not give any other reason.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Only the skills I mentioned above (team and leadership training and communication and basic computer skills).
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, but you should also include your email address here as well. The letter ends saying that you are looking to a productive conversation, which is good. I would call that a high note. You may want to say that you would be excited to be in a position such as this one.
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The most important change you can make to this cover letter is to expand more on your skills and experiences. Tell them what you have done in the past specifically. Remember, the cover letter is supposed to act as a bridge between your resume. So be sure to explain the experiences you have listed on your resume. This will drastically improve your cover letter. You have a lot of space left on the page, use it!
Thankyou for the comments on my cover letter. However, I chose that format because that is what better suites me. I do not feel that I need to write a page long letter to a company. I feel that being short and concise will be the best. If someone is only going to spend maybe a minute on my file, I want them to see everything they need quickly. None of us are experts in the class, so I am open to your suggestions, but do not tell me to do something. The book is a great guide, but there are many ways to successfully compose a cover letter and resume.
Comments
Tips for Improvement
Form and Style
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes. Be sure to include the colon after Dear Sir or Madam.
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
No. The bulleted items are not aligned to the left margin.
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Well, it’s not too informal, but I’m not sure you should use the bulleted list. This format is more of a fit for your resume than your cover letter. I think you should just write this in the same format as the rest of your letter and just put these things in a list. That will also give you a chance to elaborate on them more as well.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
As I was reading through it, I felt like you were rushing them to make a decision and set up an interview. While you should be assertive, I think you may have crossed the line. The part where you wrote that you will call them during a specific week to set up an appointment especially pushes this issue. I would suggest that you simply say that you are eager to work for them and are willing to start immediately upon getting the job. Be excited to setup an interview, but just give them your contact information. You can follow up later anyways.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
It should be Microsoft Office, Excel, and PowerPoint.
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You mentioned that you have team and leadership training as well as communication skills and basic computer skills. However, all you do is mention them. You should expand on this and give specific situations when you have used these skills and what the results were because of it. Doing this will help improve your odds of making a better impression on the person reading your material and ultimately help you get the job. Now, I do not know much about this field, but I would recommend that you read through the job ad again, especially the 11 principles duties they have listed and make sure that the skills you present can relate to these duties. This will show that you can actually do the job.
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You stated that your skills match the job requirements, but beyond that you do not give any other reason.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Only the skills I mentioned above (team and leadership training and communication and basic computer skills).
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, but you should also include your email address here as well. The letter ends saying that you are looking to a productive conversation, which is good. I would call that a high note. You may want to say that you would be excited to be in a position such as this one.
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The most important change you can make to this cover letter is to expand more on your skills and experiences. Tell them what you have done in the past specifically. Remember, the cover letter is supposed to act as a bridge between your resume. So be sure to explain the experiences you have listed on your resume. This will drastically improve your cover letter. You have a lot of space left on the page, use it!
My Cover Letter
Thankyou for the comments on my cover letter. However, I chose that format because that is what better suites me. I do not feel that I need to write a page long letter to a company. I feel that being short and concise will be the best. If someone is only going to spend maybe a minute on my file, I want them to see everything they need quickly. None of us are experts in the class, so I am open to your suggestions, but do not tell me to do something. The book is a great guide, but there are many ways to successfully compose a cover letter and resume.
Thanks You,
Bryce Sexton