Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
All 5 parts are there.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
All text is lined up with the left margin.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
This is a good letter, you get a good feeling that this person is genuinely interested in this job.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I believe the tone is good. The writer seems very excited to apply for this job.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I do not see any errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
This letter does a good job laying out some skills, but I think there could be more details listed. I think this person is well qualified
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, they enjoy kids, they would like to work for the YMCA
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the language is professional.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, all of these are answered. They found it on the website, and children are their passion. Although it doesn’t mention how much they like the YMCA in the first paragraph. Later though
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, it says how they can be contacted, and has a good closing, I would suggest saying something to the effect of you are excited to be in peruse or this job.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think this is very good, I think they are very suited for this position.
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
All the components are in the letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
No, by getting rid of the tabs in your paragraphs it will be better.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think the style is good, it is not too informal. I liked how your personality came through.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The tone is pretty good, but you might want to scale down the enthusiasm a little. I have a lot of respect for the passion you show for child care, however I think you can portray that in fewer words.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There is a grammatical error in your third paragraph. The sentence beginning with "Through its core pillars..." is a fragment. Perhaps restructuring the previous sentence to fit in some of the core pillars will solve the problem. But be careful not to create a run-on. And in your fourth paragraph you should add, "have" in front of taught. It will then read, "I will have taught...".
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The letter does speak directly to the job ad, the only way I can see to make it better would be to shorten it.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
I think you listed some excellent reasons why you applied for the job.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, I think you did this very well in your cover letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, but I think if you combine your first two paragraphs it will be a strong introduction.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
The letter does end on a high note. The conclusion, however, does not give any contact information. You should probably give your phone number and email address.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think you summed it up already; your letter just needs to be shorter. It seems like you repeat yourself a couple times. Other than that, your qualifications and passion come through in your letter.
Comments
Form and Style 1. Does the
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
All 5 parts are there.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
All text is lined up with the left margin.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
This is a good letter, you get a good feeling that this person is genuinely interested in this job.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I believe the tone is good. The writer seems very excited to apply for this job.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I do not see any errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
This letter does a good job laying out some skills, but I think there could be more details listed. I think this person is well qualified
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, they enjoy kids, they would like to work for the YMCA
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the language is professional.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, all of these are answered. They found it on the website, and children are their passion. Although it doesn’t mention how much they like the YMCA in the first paragraph. Later though
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, it says how they can be contacted, and has a good closing, I would suggest saying something to the effect of you are excited to be in peruse or this job.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think this is very good, I think they are very suited for this position.
Cover Letter Peer Editing
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
All the components are in the letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
No, by getting rid of the tabs in your paragraphs it will be better.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think the style is good, it is not too informal. I liked how your personality came through.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The tone is pretty good, but you might want to scale down the enthusiasm a little. I have a lot of respect for the passion you show for child care, however I think you can portray that in fewer words.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There is a grammatical error in your third paragraph. The sentence beginning with "Through its core pillars..." is a fragment. Perhaps restructuring the previous sentence to fit in some of the core pillars will solve the problem. But be careful not to create a run-on. And in your fourth paragraph you should add, "have" in front of taught. It will then read, "I will have taught...".
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The letter does speak directly to the job ad, the only way I can see to make it better would be to shorten it.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
I think you listed some excellent reasons why you applied for the job.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, I think you did this very well in your cover letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, but I think if you combine your first two paragraphs it will be a strong introduction.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
The letter does end on a high note. The conclusion, however, does not give any contact information. You should probably give your phone number and email address.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think you summed it up already; your letter just needs to be shorter. It seems like you repeat yourself a couple times. Other than that, your qualifications and passion come through in your letter.