Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, the letter includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, the writer uses block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Yes the style of the letter suits the occasion. It is great!
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes, the writer states that he wants the position because he is passionate about accounting and includes his qualifications in the accounting field.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There are a couple of commas that I don't think are necessary but I could be wrong. I don't think there needs to be a comma after Management in the first sentence and after the word both in the second paragraph. Other than that, no errors!
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I would describe in detail the skills that you learned at the Department of Homeland Security.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, the writer states his desire to have a career in accounting.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the writer mentions accounting software that he has been trained using.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The introductory paragraph identifies the position and the source but doesn't specifically mention the reasons besides he is extremely interested in a career with the company.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes the writer includes his telephone number and e-mail address. The writer thanked the company for their time and hopes to speak with the company in the future.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
Overall, the letter was great! My only suggestions would be to elaborate more on the skills you learned at the Department of Homeland Security and state specific reasons on why you want this job. Good job!
Comments
Peer Edit - Hope this helps!
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, the letter includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, the writer uses block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Yes the style of the letter suits the occasion. It is great!
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes, the writer states that he wants the position because he is passionate about accounting and includes his qualifications in the accounting field.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There are a couple of commas that I don't think are necessary but I could be wrong. I don't think there needs to be a comma after Management in the first sentence and after the word both in the second paragraph. Other than that, no errors!
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I would describe in detail the skills that you learned at the Department of Homeland Security.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, the writer states his desire to have a career in accounting.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the writer mentions accounting software that he has been trained using.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The introductory paragraph identifies the position and the source but doesn't specifically mention the reasons besides he is extremely interested in a career with the company.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes the writer includes his telephone number and e-mail address. The writer thanked the company for their time and hopes to speak with the company in the future.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
Overall, the letter was great! My only suggestions would be to elaborate more on the skills you learned at the Department of Homeland Security and state specific reasons on why you want this job. Good job!