English 420Y - Business Writing Online

Form and Style
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. At times I think it becomes a little too informal because you go into almost too much detail in some parts and there are a few grammatical errors.
4. The tone seems fine, may want to seem a little more enthusiastic.
5. There are some mechanical errors:
-Spell out all numbers because it makes it look more professional
-"As mention my position demanded that I be a project manager"- I think this should be as mentioned
-"Before my first team meeting none of these individuals had met each other, most were worried about what they had gotten themselves into. "- Almost seems like a run on sentence
-"Slowly a team developed"- I would combine with previous sentence because seems like incomplete sentence.
-". I appointment event chairs for each event and only after a month has passed by the event chairs would call other members of the team for help. " - I think should be I appointed and sentence is confusing

Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Yes
2. No, you don't seem to have specific reasons for why you applied for the job except for your major
3. Yes, it seems so
4. Yes
5. Contact information needs to be included in the conclusion.
6. I feel that the most important revisions are grammer because you want to sound professional. I would also consider cutting out some of the details because some of them seem like too much. I would include contact information in the last paragraph because that is an essential part of the cover letter.