1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
The letter includes all of the necessary components for a cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
The writer does use the block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I feel that the style of the letter seems somewhat informal for the position desired. The first paragraph is too generic and doesn’t give the recruiter enough information about the position desired.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The writer takes the right tone by explaining all of the qualifications that he has for the position without bragging or gushing.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There are no spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The letter does not speak specifically to the ad because of the lack of keywords taken from the specific job ad. To improve this, take some keywords that are specified in the job ad and correlate them into the cover letter.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
The writer uses specific reasons why he has applied for the position by explaining his education and past work experience and internships. All of these reasons give the recruiter an understanding of why the writer is qualified.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
The writer uses specific skills such as communication, computer skills, and good listener to describe himself. However, he does not use specific terminology that experienced people would recognize.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The introductory paragraph describes the position applied for but does not list the source. The following paragraph describes why the writer is well-suited.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
The letter ends on a high note by explaining his desire to work for Culver Careers, but he does not list any contact information in the last paragraph of a way to contact him.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The most important revision is to use specific skills mentioned in the ad and to use the skills in the cover letter. Also, I would recommend adding information on how the recruiter could contact you to speak in more detail about the position and how you are qualified.
Here are some suggestion you might want to consider. Your cover letter has a spelling mistake which is thought instead of taught. Your last paragraph is missing contact information which I think you should include. I think your cover letter should use words used in the job ad to make the letter more convincing. I like the way you have used previous work experience in the letter but I think you can describe it more efficiently by adding some more skills. What I mean is you can elaborate a little more. I think you should answer question like, what assets would you bring to the company?, in the cover letter more efficiently. I think overall you have got the cover letter pretty good. I hope these suggestions help.
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes.
2.Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes. This cover letter has been organized in blok format.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think your resume's first and last paragraph might look too generic. I would recommend being more specific by using some jargons which are frequently used in your job field.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes. He takes the right tone, not gushing and bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I am not sure if this is correct but in your work expereiences part, I wonder if "have thaught me" should be "have taught me".
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The writer speaks clearly why he is qualified for the specific job position, but it seems he doesn't use keywords used in job ad.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
The writer didn't mentioned specifi reasons why he applied for the position. However, he has identified having good computer skills, quick learning ability, and other work experiences. I suggest you use terminology that is being used in the work place you are applying for.
3.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes. The introductory paragraph identifies the position being applied for. The major reasons why the writer is well-suited are mentioned in the body paragraph.
4. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Although the format looks neat and clear, in the last paragraph, I would recommend showing some more progressive attitude to gain the next interview chance by adding your email address, phone number and a statement that you are looking forward to discussing about your qualities with them in soon.
5. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the writer has organized why he is qualified for the job very well. It will be, however, better looking if he makes sure to add contact information in the last paragraph.
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
yes, the letter includes all the necessary components.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
the writer used the block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
The style of the letter needs to be changed a bit. There are some words used such as, " The above assignment excites me." which sound very informal.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
yes the writer has the right tone. He simply stated his qualities generated through his past experiences.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
No there aren't any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context:
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
yes it does. he mentions the quakities which the company moght have been looking for i.e. communication and computer skills. he could elaborate on the skills a bit and any related past experiences.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
he mentions a pupose but a very general one. This needs to be ellaborated and put accordance to how it would help him in the future or career.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
No.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The writer mentions about the post but doesnt mentions the source of the advertisement.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
the letter ends on a high note. he doesnt mention about the contact information for further discussion or interview.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The writer should pick up the key points from the ad, elaborate them through connecting them with the past experiences.
he should also be more formal.
Form and Style
1. Yes. The letter includes all the necessary components.
2. Yes. The writer use block format and all text flush with the left margin.
3. Some parts give me an impression that the style is informal. Especially the introductory paragraph seems too general and I think you could explain some more in detail about what position you are applying for.
4. Yes. You did a good job taking the right tone not gushing or bragging.
5. I see that you used thought instead of taught. Anything other than that it looks good.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I think it would make your resume look even better if you have included keywords in your job ad and organize discussion of your qualification. You mentioned in the first paragraph by saying seeking to hire management trainees but I think it needs to be explained with little more detail. You can give specific name of the company and more about what position they are looking for.
2. As I read through I could understand why you are applying for this position through your work experience and education. But if you include some direct words of why you want the job would give stronger impression to the reader.
3. Yes. I see that you used communication and computer skill and what explained what you learned from your part time job and internship.
4. It identifies the position but lacks the source but gives full explanation why the writer is well-suited. It would sound even better if you explained little bit more about the major reason you are applying for using some direct words in the introductory paragraph.
5. You ended on a high note saying you will be happy and proud to work for the organization. But I think you missed providing your contact information such as phone number and email address. I liked how you ended showing your desire to work.
6. I think it will make better cover letter if you explain specifically about the reason why you are applying, giving me some more detail about your outstanding skills related to your position and the job ad. It looks good but by giving some more information why you qualify for this position will give better chance for reader to understand your desire and ability for the position!
Comments
Peer Editing - Cover Letter
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
The letter includes all of the necessary components for a cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
The writer does use the block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I feel that the style of the letter seems somewhat informal for the position desired. The first paragraph is too generic and doesn’t give the recruiter enough information about the position desired.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
The writer takes the right tone by explaining all of the qualifications that he has for the position without bragging or gushing.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
There are no spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The letter does not speak specifically to the ad because of the lack of keywords taken from the specific job ad. To improve this, take some keywords that are specified in the job ad and correlate them into the cover letter.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
The writer uses specific reasons why he has applied for the position by explaining his education and past work experience and internships. All of these reasons give the recruiter an understanding of why the writer is qualified.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
The writer uses specific skills such as communication, computer skills, and good listener to describe himself. However, he does not use specific terminology that experienced people would recognize.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The introductory paragraph describes the position applied for but does not list the source. The following paragraph describes why the writer is well-suited.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
The letter ends on a high note by explaining his desire to work for Culver Careers, but he does not list any contact information in the last paragraph of a way to contact him.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The most important revision is to use specific skills mentioned in the ad and to use the skills in the cover letter. Also, I would recommend adding information on how the recruiter could contact you to speak in more detail about the position and how you are qualified.
Suggestions
Here are some suggestion you might want to consider. Your cover letter has a spelling mistake which is thought instead of taught. Your last paragraph is missing contact information which I think you should include. I think your cover letter should use words used in the job ad to make the letter more convincing. I like the way you have used previous work experience in the letter but I think you can describe it more efficiently by adding some more skills. What I mean is you can elaborate a little more. I think you should answer question like, what assets would you bring to the company?, in the cover letter more efficiently. I think overall you have got the cover letter pretty good. I hope these suggestions help.
Comments
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes.
2.Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes. This cover letter has been organized in blok format.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think your resume's first and last paragraph might look too generic. I would recommend being more specific by using some jargons which are frequently used in your job field.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes. He takes the right tone, not gushing and bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I am not sure if this is correct but in your work expereiences part, I wonder if "have thaught me" should be "have taught me".
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The writer speaks clearly why he is qualified for the specific job position, but it seems he doesn't use keywords used in job ad.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
The writer didn't mentioned specifi reasons why he applied for the position. However, he has identified having good computer skills, quick learning ability, and other work experiences. I suggest you use terminology that is being used in the work place you are applying for.
3.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes. The introductory paragraph identifies the position being applied for. The major reasons why the writer is well-suited are mentioned in the body paragraph.
4. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Although the format looks neat and clear, in the last paragraph, I would recommend showing some more progressive attitude to gain the next interview chance by adding your email address, phone number and a statement that you are looking forward to discussing about your qualities with them in soon.
5. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the writer has organized why he is qualified for the job very well. It will be, however, better looking if he makes sure to add contact information in the last paragraph.
comment
Form and Style:
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
yes, the letter includes all the necessary components.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
the writer used the block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
The style of the letter needs to be changed a bit. There are some words used such as, " The above assignment excites me." which sound very informal.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
yes the writer has the right tone. He simply stated his qualities generated through his past experiences.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
No there aren't any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context:
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
yes it does. he mentions the quakities which the company moght have been looking for i.e. communication and computer skills. he could elaborate on the skills a bit and any related past experiences.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
he mentions a pupose but a very general one. This needs to be ellaborated and put accordance to how it would help him in the future or career.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
No.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The writer mentions about the post but doesnt mentions the source of the advertisement.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
the letter ends on a high note. he doesnt mention about the contact information for further discussion or interview.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The writer should pick up the key points from the ad, elaborate them through connecting them with the past experiences.
he should also be more formal.
Comments
Form and Style
1. Yes. The letter includes all the necessary components.
2. Yes. The writer use block format and all text flush with the left margin.
3. Some parts give me an impression that the style is informal. Especially the introductory paragraph seems too general and I think you could explain some more in detail about what position you are applying for.
4. Yes. You did a good job taking the right tone not gushing or bragging.
5. I see that you used thought instead of taught. Anything other than that it looks good.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I think it would make your resume look even better if you have included keywords in your job ad and organize discussion of your qualification. You mentioned in the first paragraph by saying seeking to hire management trainees but I think it needs to be explained with little more detail. You can give specific name of the company and more about what position they are looking for.
2. As I read through I could understand why you are applying for this position through your work experience and education. But if you include some direct words of why you want the job would give stronger impression to the reader.
3. Yes. I see that you used communication and computer skill and what explained what you learned from your part time job and internship.
4. It identifies the position but lacks the source but gives full explanation why the writer is well-suited. It would sound even better if you explained little bit more about the major reason you are applying for using some direct words in the introductory paragraph.
5. You ended on a high note saying you will be happy and proud to work for the organization. But I think you missed providing your contact information such as phone number and email address. I liked how you ended showing your desire to work.
6. I think it will make better cover letter if you explain specifically about the reason why you are applying, giving me some more detail about your outstanding skills related to your position and the job ad. It looks good but by giving some more information why you qualify for this position will give better chance for reader to understand your desire and ability for the position!