Your cover letter looks pretty good. You may want to try and reduce it in length though. It does have a lot of great information and details about your work experience, but it might be too long depending on who will be reading it. My advice would be rephrase some of the vague information and list exactly what you did. For example, maybe elaborate on your computer skills, or exaclty how you could help the company. I feel your third paragraph is somewhat unclear and rushed. Why would I want to hire you? What assets would you bring to the company? Convey these answers as explicit as possible. Dont forget to use words from your job ad and match them. Overall, it looks good though. Nice work.
Feedback
1) Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
- Yes, all of the necessary components are included.
2) Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
- yes, the use of block format can be seen.
3) Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain?
Yes the letter is very well written with a perfect gesture.
4) Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
- Yes the writer uses the right tone. There is no bragging or gushing.
5) Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
- None that I could find.
6) Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
- Yes the letter talks about the job Ad but I think the keywords may be missing.
7) Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
- Yes, the writer states clearly why he wants to apply for the job by saying he always wanted to a part of the real estate and wanted to be an appraiser. This states he is interested in the job.
8 Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
- Yes
9) Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
- Yes it does . its very well explained as well I like the use of company’s research used.
10) Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
- Yes, the writer has all contact information. The letter doesn’t not exactly end on the high end I think it last line could be I shall be honored to discuss further with you in person or it could be something similar. I think you should reframe your last sentence.
11) What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
- I found the use of teamwork and communication repetitive may you can use another word for them or state that sentence in another way. Your cover letter seems pretty convincing to me otherwise. I have told you about the changes I would like to see. Over all a great cover letter.
You did a great job of including all the major components of a cover letter, and using block style formatting. I think you did a good job writing in the correct style for the position you are applying for, however, for future jobs I would try to make it more formal. As far as tone goes, I think you did a good job describing yourself in a modest fashion. And, you had no spelling or mechanical errors. I feel you responded directly to the job ad and explained why you wanted the job very well. I would explain more how you have applied skills learned from previous work experience rather than just listing them. Other than that your use of terminology was clear and easy to follow. Overall I believe that you have a strong cover letter and that you covered the necessary items in the introduction and conclusions, the only tip I have for you is to show how you have applied your skills, like I said previously.
Comments
A Critique
Your cover letter looks pretty good. You may want to try and reduce it in length though. It does have a lot of great information and details about your work experience, but it might be too long depending on who will be reading it. My advice would be rephrase some of the vague information and list exactly what you did. For example, maybe elaborate on your computer skills, or exaclty how you could help the company. I feel your third paragraph is somewhat unclear and rushed. Why would I want to hire you? What assets would you bring to the company? Convey these answers as explicit as possible. Dont forget to use words from your job ad and match them. Overall, it looks good though. Nice work.
Feedback
Feedback
1) Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
- Yes, all of the necessary components are included.
2) Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
- yes, the use of block format can be seen.
3) Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain?
Yes the letter is very well written with a perfect gesture.
4) Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
- Yes the writer uses the right tone. There is no bragging or gushing.
5) Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
- None that I could find.
6) Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
- Yes the letter talks about the job Ad but I think the keywords may be missing.
7) Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
- Yes, the writer states clearly why he wants to apply for the job by saying he always wanted to a part of the real estate and wanted to be an appraiser. This states he is interested in the job.
8 Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
- Yes
9) Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
- Yes it does . its very well explained as well I like the use of company’s research used.
10) Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
- Yes, the writer has all contact information. The letter doesn’t not exactly end on the high end I think it last line could be I shall be honored to discuss further with you in person or it could be something similar. I think you should reframe your last sentence.
11) What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
- I found the use of teamwork and communication repetitive may you can use another word for them or state that sentence in another way. Your cover letter seems pretty convincing to me otherwise. I have told you about the changes I would like to see. Over all a great cover letter.
Cover Letter Comments
You did a great job of including all the major components of a cover letter, and using block style formatting. I think you did a good job writing in the correct style for the position you are applying for, however, for future jobs I would try to make it more formal. As far as tone goes, I think you did a good job describing yourself in a modest fashion. And, you had no spelling or mechanical errors. I feel you responded directly to the job ad and explained why you wanted the job very well. I would explain more how you have applied skills learned from previous work experience rather than just listing them. Other than that your use of terminology was clear and easy to follow. Overall I believe that you have a strong cover letter and that you covered the necessary items in the introduction and conclusions, the only tip I have for you is to show how you have applied your skills, like I said previously.