This cover letter had good form and style throughout the entire letter. All of the necessary components were present: both addresses, body paragraph, conclusion, etc. The entire letter is also left aligned which is what it needs to be, and the content of the article was not too informal by any means. The tone was very professional the whole time. The writing doesn't come off as bragging but there is definitely a lot of information that proves the applicant is qualified One suggestion I have, however, is when you say "I am the most appropriate person..." in the first paragraph its makes it sound like no one else should be considered. If I were you I would reword this a little bit. It was good that you touched on the computer operating systems. After reading your resume it is good to preface the employer, or give them a reminder if they read the cover letter second. When it comes to form and style, I feel the letter was really well put together and there were no grammatical mistakes I could find. Very nice on this part.
Content/Rhetorical Context
There was good use of the language of the ad. With a position like business analyst, I'm sure they would be looking for a person with high creativity and leadership qualities. When you said that you worked with senior design projects at Purdue, it proves that you have the initiative to take leadership and work in teams. These are both very important characteristics of a good worker. You really did not mention what sparked your interest to want to have this position in the beginning. You should probably include a sentence or two telling why you are drawn to that profession. However, you identify good terminology about computer systems that seems to be very important for this position. The manager will be able to relate to that part much better. In the introductory paragraph you identify the company and your qualifications to the position, this was a solid paragraph. The conclusion paragraph was very well structured, it includes two contact sources, and a good salutation at the end. Again, this was another solid paragraph. One suggestion I would make is you probably shouldn't start the second paragraph with "Also,..." This makes it seem like you are just continuing the thought from the first paragraph so a hard return shouldn't even be there. You should try to make it a new complete thought. It's just a suggestion however, it can go both ways.
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
This letter contains all the necessary components
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, Block format was used and all text is aligned to the left margin
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I am not familiar with the area in which you are applying but the letter seems a little informal. This may be the route you are trying to take but if not I would recommend trying to make the wording and approach a little more formal.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You sound very eager to get this position but at no time did I feel like you were bragging. The tone of this letter seems to be a little more relaxed and not as formal as I would expect to see in a business analyst position but as I said earlier I ma not too familiar with this field
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In the body paragraph it seemed like the last sentence didn’t really flow very well. Try splitting it into two sentences of condensing the sentence.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You did a good job stating exactly what position and how you found out about it. You also did a good job bringing in someone who works there that knows you and your skills.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, you state that you have heard what they are looking for from a friend and feel you are qualified for the position. Maybe in that sentence you can use a few adjectives that describe what you have to bring to the company in regards to what they are looking for.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
I believe the terminology used is appropriate for the position you are applying for.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The position and its source are stated and you also state why you feel you are suited for the position.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes. You have left your number and email address as contacts and also restate your interest in the position and also thank them for their time
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
Revising the last sentence in the body is the most important revision
Comments
Cover Letter Review
Form and Style
This cover letter had good form and style throughout the entire letter. All of the necessary components were present: both addresses, body paragraph, conclusion, etc. The entire letter is also left aligned which is what it needs to be, and the content of the article was not too informal by any means. The tone was very professional the whole time. The writing doesn't come off as bragging but there is definitely a lot of information that proves the applicant is qualified One suggestion I have, however, is when you say "I am the most appropriate person..." in the first paragraph its makes it sound like no one else should be considered. If I were you I would reword this a little bit. It was good that you touched on the computer operating systems. After reading your resume it is good to preface the employer, or give them a reminder if they read the cover letter second. When it comes to form and style, I feel the letter was really well put together and there were no grammatical mistakes I could find. Very nice on this part.
Content/Rhetorical Context
There was good use of the language of the ad. With a position like business analyst, I'm sure they would be looking for a person with high creativity and leadership qualities. When you said that you worked with senior design projects at Purdue, it proves that you have the initiative to take leadership and work in teams. These are both very important characteristics of a good worker. You really did not mention what sparked your interest to want to have this position in the beginning. You should probably include a sentence or two telling why you are drawn to that profession. However, you identify good terminology about computer systems that seems to be very important for this position. The manager will be able to relate to that part much better. In the introductory paragraph you identify the company and your qualifications to the position, this was a solid paragraph. The conclusion paragraph was very well structured, it includes two contact sources, and a good salutation at the end. Again, this was another solid paragraph. One suggestion I would make is you probably shouldn't start the second paragraph with "Also,..." This makes it seem like you are just continuing the thought from the first paragraph so a hard return shouldn't even be there. You should try to make it a new complete thought. It's just a suggestion however, it can go both ways.
Peer review
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
This letter contains all the necessary components
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, Block format was used and all text is aligned to the left margin
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I am not familiar with the area in which you are applying but the letter seems a little informal. This may be the route you are trying to take but if not I would recommend trying to make the wording and approach a little more formal.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You sound very eager to get this position but at no time did I feel like you were bragging. The tone of this letter seems to be a little more relaxed and not as formal as I would expect to see in a business analyst position but as I said earlier I ma not too familiar with this field
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In the body paragraph it seemed like the last sentence didn’t really flow very well. Try splitting it into two sentences of condensing the sentence.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You did a good job stating exactly what position and how you found out about it. You also did a good job bringing in someone who works there that knows you and your skills.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes, you state that you have heard what they are looking for from a friend and feel you are qualified for the position. Maybe in that sentence you can use a few adjectives that describe what you have to bring to the company in regards to what they are looking for.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
I believe the terminology used is appropriate for the position you are applying for.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
The position and its source are stated and you also state why you feel you are suited for the position.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes. You have left your number and email address as contacts and also restate your interest in the position and also thank them for their time
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
Revising the last sentence in the body is the most important revision