1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, you have the heading, greeting, opening, persuasion, and closing.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
For the most part, it looks great until the sincerely yours part. It will look great once you move the closing to the left.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think it follows the suit of the occasion. I don’t think it is generic at all. You use good examples of things you have done in your local music scene.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think the tone is right where you want it. You explain what the company can do for you (i.e. help develop skills to work in music), but I think you could add a little more about what you can do for the company.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I did not see any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think you point out the title of the job well, but I think you could add a little more in about what you think you would be doing. I understand you are looking for an internship, but what are you planning on doing as an intern?
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes. You use strong examples of why you are qualified for the job and why you want this internship (i.e. again, to advance your career in music).
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes I believe so. I think you could incorporate a little more of what you did as a stagehand and some of the things you did to advance local music talents. I think this will encompass extra terminology experienced people would know.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
I think you got everything but the major reasons you want the job. I understand you want to be an intern there, but why? What do you think is so good about this specific company?
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, I think you did a good job of this. The follow up call is strong and bold and ends on a high note (this shows you are serious about this internship).
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would say just adding a little bit more of your past experience and really emphasize why you want this job. Overall I think it looks really good and after a little fine tuning you will be in good shape.
Comments
Suggestions
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, you have the heading, greeting, opening, persuasion, and closing.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
For the most part, it looks great until the sincerely yours part. It will look great once you move the closing to the left.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think it follows the suit of the occasion. I don’t think it is generic at all. You use good examples of things you have done in your local music scene.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think the tone is right where you want it. You explain what the company can do for you (i.e. help develop skills to work in music), but I think you could add a little more about what you can do for the company.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
I did not see any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think you point out the title of the job well, but I think you could add a little more in about what you think you would be doing. I understand you are looking for an internship, but what are you planning on doing as an intern?
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes. You use strong examples of why you are qualified for the job and why you want this internship (i.e. again, to advance your career in music).
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes I believe so. I think you could incorporate a little more of what you did as a stagehand and some of the things you did to advance local music talents. I think this will encompass extra terminology experienced people would know.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
I think you got everything but the major reasons you want the job. I understand you want to be an intern there, but why? What do you think is so good about this specific company?
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, I think you did a good job of this. The follow up call is strong and bold and ends on a high note (this shows you are serious about this internship).
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would say just adding a little bit more of your past experience and really emphasize why you want this job. Overall I think it looks really good and after a little fine tuning you will be in good shape.