Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
It includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
YES!
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think your cover letter is great. You do an excellent job of describing your experiences and what you have learned and how that will benefit Siemans Building Technologies. I do not think it is too formal or too generic. You have a unique background and you do a good job of stating that right off.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Your tone is definetly enthusiastic about this position. I do not think you come off as gushing or bragging. It is more of an optimistic and confident tone. Someone that is eager to learn and experience new things. I really liked that about your cover letter, it showed your personality right off!
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
Some parts read a little funny. The only thing I would suggest is reading out loud to yourself so that you can hear what each sentence sounds like aloud. . It helps to hear if a sentence sounds awkward.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I tired searching this position but it is no longer offered. So I read in her blog about the job ad and she mentions that the intern will participate in various aspects of the company including finance, communication, technology,etc. I think she does an excellent job of mentioning each different skill that she posses. The only suggestion I could think of is to make it more focused on say 3 strengths instead of listing them off. It might help make the letter sound more organized, but that’s just an idea!
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
No, you do not state specifically why you are applying for this position other than to fulfill your career dreams. You might want to make that more clear and state directly why you are applying.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You do an excellent job at this. To name a few: problem solving, customer service, communication and interpersonal skills.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, she does an excellent job at stating why she is well-suited for the position. You appear confident and are very puasive in your capabilties for this position.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You letter ends on a high note without a doubt. It leaves me feeling optimistic and eager to achieve my goals. You can be contacted by phone or by e-mail.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The only thing I would say is a few sentence stuctures so that it reads clearer and adding in why you are applying, but other than those small things it is an excellent cover letter. Hope this helped!
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Everything except the header, but I like it centered.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
It seems a little on the generic side as it seems to mirror the letter in the book really well. If you re-read this once or twice and then wrote it again without looking back at the book or your original letter I think it would end up a little less generic.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Could use a little more enthusiasm, but overall it’s pretty good.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“Some of those skills lifelong include” I would delete the word lifelong or move it to before the word “skills”.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The link to the job add is dead, but from what is written in your Job ad analysis I’d say yes you are speaking directly to the job ad using keywords. The only thing I would do is try and use specific examples rather than just listing the skills and adjectives that make you qualified. For example, list an example of a time you used proper communication skills, organization skills, confrontation resolution skills, etc. (I’d try and list a project or specific incident(s)).
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
This I had trouble finding. I feel like you did a good job listing why you’re qualified, but not why you want this position, I may have missed it, but I think you could make this more obvious. This is the only thing I felt you were really lacking, and it’s a pretty easy fix.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, this is done well.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, I especially liked the “I would love to bring the skills that I have discussed in this letter, to your company. I am enthusiastic about life, school and work and cannot wait to take the next step in life and fulfill by career dreams”
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would make sure to go back and add in why you are interested in the position as I believe this is a major part of the cover letter. I would also try what I said about making it less generic, hopefully it will help you. If not, I wouldn’t worry about it too much, it’s still a good letter I just think personal is better. Good job overall.
Comments
Cover LEtter Peer Edit
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
It includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
YES!
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
I think your cover letter is great. You do an excellent job of describing your experiences and what you have learned and how that will benefit Siemans Building Technologies. I do not think it is too formal or too generic. You have a unique background and you do a good job of stating that right off.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Your tone is definetly enthusiastic about this position. I do not think you come off as gushing or bragging. It is more of an optimistic and confident tone. Someone that is eager to learn and experience new things. I really liked that about your cover letter, it showed your personality right off!
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
Some parts read a little funny. The only thing I would suggest is reading out loud to yourself so that you can hear what each sentence sounds like aloud. . It helps to hear if a sentence sounds awkward.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I tired searching this position but it is no longer offered. So I read in her blog about the job ad and she mentions that the intern will participate in various aspects of the company including finance, communication, technology,etc. I think she does an excellent job of mentioning each different skill that she posses. The only suggestion I could think of is to make it more focused on say 3 strengths instead of listing them off. It might help make the letter sound more organized, but that’s just an idea!
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
No, you do not state specifically why you are applying for this position other than to fulfill your career dreams. You might want to make that more clear and state directly why you are applying.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You do an excellent job at this. To name a few: problem solving, customer service, communication and interpersonal skills.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, she does an excellent job at stating why she is well-suited for the position. You appear confident and are very puasive in your capabilties for this position.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You letter ends on a high note without a doubt. It leaves me feeling optimistic and eager to achieve my goals. You can be contacted by phone or by e-mail.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
The only thing I would say is a few sentence stuctures so that it reads clearer and adding in why you are applying, but other than those small things it is an excellent cover letter. Hope this helped!
RE: Cover Letter (rkottke)
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Everything except the header, but I like it centered.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
It seems a little on the generic side as it seems to mirror the letter in the book really well. If you re-read this once or twice and then wrote it again without looking back at the book or your original letter I think it would end up a little less generic.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Could use a little more enthusiasm, but overall it’s pretty good.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“Some of those skills lifelong include” I would delete the word lifelong or move it to before the word “skills”.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
The link to the job add is dead, but from what is written in your Job ad analysis I’d say yes you are speaking directly to the job ad using keywords. The only thing I would do is try and use specific examples rather than just listing the skills and adjectives that make you qualified. For example, list an example of a time you used proper communication skills, organization skills, confrontation resolution skills, etc. (I’d try and list a project or specific incident(s)).
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
This I had trouble finding. I feel like you did a good job listing why you’re qualified, but not why you want this position, I may have missed it, but I think you could make this more obvious. This is the only thing I felt you were really lacking, and it’s a pretty easy fix.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, this is done well.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, I especially liked the “I would love to bring the skills that I have discussed in this letter, to your company. I am enthusiastic about life, school and work and cannot wait to take the next step in life and fulfill by career dreams”
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would make sure to go back and add in why you are interested in the position as I believe this is a major part of the cover letter. I would also try what I said about making it less generic, hopefully it will help you. If not, I wouldn’t worry about it too much, it’s still a good letter I just think personal is better. Good job overall.