1. The letters form is very well laid out and it does contain all of the necessary components. It could possibly just have a little most attractive header to get the readers attention a little better.
2. The writer did use block format and it looks very professional.
3. The letter is very formal and it suits the occasion very well. I think it is perfect because it is formal but not too generic. He has a lot of good personal information and personal goals in his letter.
4. The tone is perfect his is very enthusiastic but it doesn’t sound like his has a big ego. He sounds very highly qualified for the position but his is not bragging about his past positions to the point of it being annoying.
5. All of the grammar, spelling and mechanics look correct and I don’t see any errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. The ad speaks the ad very well and it also has a lot of information about finance and the company. It seems as though he has a lot of keywords to point out his qualifications for this job. There could have been a little more keywords used to boast about himself and the past experiences that he has had.
2. Yes, the writer mentioned specific reasons why he applied for the position he said that his dream job is to own his own financial planning company and he feels working at Fidelity will give him valuable real world experience right out of college would bring him nearing to his goal. His reasoning is very good but it might scare them away possibly because he is already wanted to leave and open his own company.
3. He does identify specific skills but I think that there could be some more skills in the letter.
4. Yes, the introductory paragraph has all of these important aspects.
5. Yes, the conclusion has contact information for further discussion and it has a very high note saying that he is eager to speak with you about this eager opportunity.
6. I think that the letter needs some visual design revisions. A little design to it will really help and get the readers attention. Also maybe boast about yourself a little more and add some more skills.
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, everything is included in the cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, everything is very well aligned.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
It is neither too informal nor too formal. I think you did a good job on setting an honest and direct tone, which is what most HR people want to hear.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes, as explained before, I get the feeling of honesty through the text. You use “I feel” a lot more than “I am”, which doesn’t give the feeling that you are bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“…would bring me nearing to my goal.” –do you mean closer instead of nearing?
After reading the whole text, I did not encounter any more spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
In the last paragraph you appear to mention a few key words referring to your job ad. I think you could elaborate a little bit more in the conclusion about how you could contribute to the company (depending on what the job ad says).
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mention that you are interested in the first paragraph, but you failed to mention why you are applying for this job. It could be a good idea to mention it in the introduction.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
I think you briefly mention your specific skills, but you fail to mention specific terminology. You mention where you are interning at and that you are learning, but you forget to mention specifically what knowledge you have gained that will help you grow as a professional.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
You do identify the position applied for and its source, but you fail to put whether or not you are well suited for the job.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, you close the conclusion very well.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think that you should focus more on writing about why you are applying for this job and what skills do you have that could make you the best candidate for this job. Other than this, you did a good job.
1.Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, you included all the necessary parts of a cover letter.
2.Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
You used block format.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
After reviewing the ad you are applying for, I feel that you need to use more key words from the actual ad (ie. “high sense of integrity, a commitment to learning, creative thinking, innovation, and the ability to embrace technology” [taken directly from ad]) so that when your letter is scanned they know you possess the traits they are looking for. This will help connect your letter directly to the ad. The experience you included was very relevant; it just needs to be tied to exactly what they are looking for.
4.Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think your tone is pretty good. I would consider talking more about your specific skills and attributes instead of just talking about how you “feel” you will fit in, or will do if given the position.
5.Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“My dream job in life is to own my own financial planning company and I feel working at Fidelity will give me valuable real world experience right out of college would bring me nearing to my goal.” ---This sentence is awkward, I would consider either stating that it is your dream to own a financial company OR that this opportunity would bring you closer to your goal. It sounds redundant and confusing.
“I feel that working at Fidelity not only would I learn a lot more but I also feel that I will bring a positive attitude and I will do my best to create a successful working environment for all of my co-workers should I be picked for this job.” ---This sentence needs commas, it needs pauses. This happens several other places in your letter as well.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1.Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You do not use key words to speak directly to the ad. As I suggested previously, use the key action words that you see in the ad to tie your letter directly to what the company is looking for in a successful candidate.
2.Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mildly state why you are applying for the position, but are lacking a definitive reason. The only reason you gave is because you want to open a financial company when you are older. I feel as though this statement is focusing too much on your needs as an individual and not why you want the position.
3.Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You mostly use professional language, but I would stay away from conjunctions like “I’ve”. It sounds much more professional when you say “I have”, etc.
4.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Your introductory paragraph hits all of these marks, good job!
5.Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You have included your contact information for an interview. Your letter does end on a high note, since you expressed that you are eager to speak with the reader about the position.
6.What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the most important thing you could do is add the keywords in the ad so that you can be directly attached to the skill sets the company is seeking. Also, I would consider telling the company that you will contact them so that you show a little bit of initiative instead of just waiting for them to call you. Good Job overall!
1. Your cover letter is very well laid out and it does contain all of the necessary components. You may want to have a better opening, or header, to attract the readers attention from the start.
2. Good use of block format and it looks very professional.
3. I like how you made it look very formal and not boring or generic.You have stated your personal goals and it is obvious what you want.
4. Your tone is professional and to the point. Your experience speaks for itself and it shows a great deal of confidence.
5. Grammar, mechanics, and spelling appear correct.
1. Use more keywords that are used in the job ad. Try and match descriptions more.
2. Yes, the author mentioned detailed reasons why he applied for this position. His experience at Fidelity will be very beneficial for this application process. I may not mention your desires for entrepreneurship. This may deter the recruiter.
3. Use more of your specific skills. You have experience, tell about it in detail.
4. Introductory paragraph contains all major aspects necessary.
5. Your conclusion is good. It states exactly what you are looking for and contact info.
6. Try and make your design a little more unique. Make it stand out from other cover letters so that you may be remembered better. Overall you have a pretty good cover letter.
Comments
RE: Cover Letter
I will be peer reviewing your cover letter.
Melissa Wood
Peer Review
Form and Style
1. The letters form is very well laid out and it does contain all of the necessary components. It could possibly just have a little most attractive header to get the readers attention a little better.
2. The writer did use block format and it looks very professional.
3. The letter is very formal and it suits the occasion very well. I think it is perfect because it is formal but not too generic. He has a lot of good personal information and personal goals in his letter.
4. The tone is perfect his is very enthusiastic but it doesn’t sound like his has a big ego. He sounds very highly qualified for the position but his is not bragging about his past positions to the point of it being annoying.
5. All of the grammar, spelling and mechanics look correct and I don’t see any errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. The ad speaks the ad very well and it also has a lot of information about finance and the company. It seems as though he has a lot of keywords to point out his qualifications for this job. There could have been a little more keywords used to boast about himself and the past experiences that he has had.
2. Yes, the writer mentioned specific reasons why he applied for the position he said that his dream job is to own his own financial planning company and he feels working at Fidelity will give him valuable real world experience right out of college would bring him nearing to his goal. His reasoning is very good but it might scare them away possibly because he is already wanted to leave and open his own company.
3. He does identify specific skills but I think that there could be some more skills in the letter.
4. Yes, the introductory paragraph has all of these important aspects.
5. Yes, the conclusion has contact information for further discussion and it has a very high note saying that he is eager to speak with you about this eager opportunity.
6. I think that the letter needs some visual design revisions. A little design to it will really help and get the readers attention. Also maybe boast about yourself a little more and add some more skills.
Cover Letter Review
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, everything is included in the cover letter.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, everything is very well aligned.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
It is neither too informal nor too formal. I think you did a good job on setting an honest and direct tone, which is what most HR people want to hear.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
Yes, as explained before, I get the feeling of honesty through the text. You use “I feel” a lot more than “I am”, which doesn’t give the feeling that you are bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“…would bring me nearing to my goal.” –do you mean closer instead of nearing?
After reading the whole text, I did not encounter any more spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
In the last paragraph you appear to mention a few key words referring to your job ad. I think you could elaborate a little bit more in the conclusion about how you could contribute to the company (depending on what the job ad says).
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mention that you are interested in the first paragraph, but you failed to mention why you are applying for this job. It could be a good idea to mention it in the introduction.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
I think you briefly mention your specific skills, but you fail to mention specific terminology. You mention where you are interning at and that you are learning, but you forget to mention specifically what knowledge you have gained that will help you grow as a professional.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
You do identify the position applied for and its source, but you fail to put whether or not you are well suited for the job.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, you close the conclusion very well.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think that you should focus more on writing about why you are applying for this job and what skills do you have that could make you the best candidate for this job. Other than this, you did a good job.
Cover Letter Review
1.Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, you included all the necessary parts of a cover letter.
2.Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
You used block format.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
After reviewing the ad you are applying for, I feel that you need to use more key words from the actual ad (ie. “high sense of integrity, a commitment to learning, creative thinking, innovation, and the ability to embrace technology” [taken directly from ad]) so that when your letter is scanned they know you possess the traits they are looking for. This will help connect your letter directly to the ad. The experience you included was very relevant; it just needs to be tied to exactly what they are looking for.
4.Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think your tone is pretty good. I would consider talking more about your specific skills and attributes instead of just talking about how you “feel” you will fit in, or will do if given the position.
5.Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“My dream job in life is to own my own financial planning company and I feel working at Fidelity will give me valuable real world experience right out of college would bring me nearing to my goal.” ---This sentence is awkward, I would consider either stating that it is your dream to own a financial company OR that this opportunity would bring you closer to your goal. It sounds redundant and confusing.
“I feel that working at Fidelity not only would I learn a lot more but I also feel that I will bring a positive attitude and I will do my best to create a successful working environment for all of my co-workers should I be picked for this job.” ---This sentence needs commas, it needs pauses. This happens several other places in your letter as well.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1.Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You do not use key words to speak directly to the ad. As I suggested previously, use the key action words that you see in the ad to tie your letter directly to what the company is looking for in a successful candidate.
2.Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mildly state why you are applying for the position, but are lacking a definitive reason. The only reason you gave is because you want to open a financial company when you are older. I feel as though this statement is focusing too much on your needs as an individual and not why you want the position.
3.Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You mostly use professional language, but I would stay away from conjunctions like “I’ve”. It sounds much more professional when you say “I have”, etc.
4.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Your introductory paragraph hits all of these marks, good job!
5.Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You have included your contact information for an interview. Your letter does end on a high note, since you expressed that you are eager to speak with the reader about the position.
6.What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the most important thing you could do is add the keywords in the ad so that you can be directly attached to the skill sets the company is seeking. Also, I would consider telling the company that you will contact them so that you show a little bit of initiative instead of just waiting for them to call you. Good Job overall!
Review
1. Your cover letter is very well laid out and it does contain all of the necessary components. You may want to have a better opening, or header, to attract the readers attention from the start.
2. Good use of block format and it looks very professional.
3. I like how you made it look very formal and not boring or generic.You have stated your personal goals and it is obvious what you want.
4. Your tone is professional and to the point. Your experience speaks for itself and it shows a great deal of confidence.
5. Grammar, mechanics, and spelling appear correct.
1. Use more keywords that are used in the job ad. Try and match descriptions more.
2. Yes, the author mentioned detailed reasons why he applied for this position. His experience at Fidelity will be very beneficial for this application process. I may not mention your desires for entrepreneurship. This may deter the recruiter.
3. Use more of your specific skills. You have experience, tell about it in detail.
4. Introductory paragraph contains all major aspects necessary.
5. Your conclusion is good. It states exactly what you are looking for and contact info.
6. Try and make your design a little more unique. Make it stand out from other cover letters so that you may be remembered better. Overall you have a pretty good cover letter.