English 420Y - Business Writing Online

1.Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?

Yes, you included all the necessary parts of a cover letter.

2.Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?

You did not use block format. You should not indent the paragraphs of your cover letter.

3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.

Your content definitely is focused on the goal: showing interest in the company. I would suggest, however, using key words from the actual ad (ie. “self-motivated”, “dedicated”, “communication skills”) so that when your letter is scanned they know you possess the traits they are looking for. Show them you are perfect for the job through your traits and actions instead of just telling them.

4.Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.

You do sound a bit like you are gushing. I feel as though too much of your letter is spent telling the company how wonderful they are. Instead, I would suggest being brief in that department and focusing on matching your traits and skills to their needs. Instead of saying “Your full time summer internship is exactly what I am looking for.” Tell them why you are what “they” are looking for. Most companies are not interested in what you are looking for until they are ready to place you.

5.Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.

I did not see any spelling or mechanical errors.

Content/Rhetorical Context

1.Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?

You do not use key words to speak directly to the ad. As I suggested previously, try showing off your accomplishments (your business is very impressive!) by letting them know exactly how that point fits what they are looking for. This will allow them to physically see that your skills are the skills they want in a quick glance.

2.Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.

This example from your cover letter, “Learning the fundamentals of an accounting system in a company such as yours would certainly allow me the opportunity to apply what we have studied in the classroom, to a real world environment” spells out exactly why you are applying for a position, and I think it is a very valid reason.

3.Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?

Yes, you use adequate professional language that other experienced people would not only recognize, but appreciate as well.

4.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Your introductory paragraph identifies the position you have applied for, but not the source (monster.com, etc). Your reasons for applying are your major coursework, and the chance to apply that coursework to the real world; I think this is adequate.

5.Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You have included your contact information for an interview. Your letter does end on a high note, since you expressed your excitement about the position.

6.What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.

I would most importantly, add the buzz words found in the ad. This ties your cover letter directly to the position you are applying for. Also, I would consider adding a sentence to the end saying that you will follow up with them, instead of waiting for them to call you. This shows initiative. Overall- Good job!