Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
You include all the necessary information. My only comment is you introduce yourself in the second paragraph. I’m not sure if it matters that much but it might help to let the recruiter know who you are right away.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, all the text is in block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Your letter is very appropriate. It is not too formal, yet it does not sound very casual. You might want to add a little more detail and examples of how you are outgoing, hardworking, and dedicated. You mention it but do not go into much detail about a specific time.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You sound very excited about the position. You don’t over-do it which is a good thing. Your wording is very appropriate. You use key words from the job ad such as hardworking and dedicated to highlight your skills.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In your first paragraph you have a comma in the last sentence after succeed and one is not needed. It should read “possess a strong desire to succeed and will thrive in a self-start environment”.
In the second paragraph in the second line it should be “that have helped me develop” since you mention two examples. Your first sentence is a little long; you could break it up into two sentences.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You do a good job using the key words from the job ad. This will definitely draw attention and make one want to read your resume. You could add a little more detail/examples about your past experiences that highlight these key qualities.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mention the position you are applying for is for someone who wants to gain experience; maybe follow it up by saying you would like to gain more experience. It is inferred you would like to gain experience but I am not sure how easy it is for an outsider to see this.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You do a good job highlighting key terms. Your writing will draw the attention of the reader.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Your first paragraph definitely introduces the position and how you found it. You do a great job writing about what the job is looking for.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You do a great job making sure they know how to contact you. You end on a good note; you mention your resume and that you will be in contact with them. Good job!
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the most important thing to do is to go into a little more detail about your qualities by using examples. You do such a nice job mentioning these qualities but an example might help you seal the deal.
Comments
Cover Letter Review
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
You include all the necessary information. My only comment is you introduce yourself in the second paragraph. I’m not sure if it matters that much but it might help to let the recruiter know who you are right away.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, all the text is in block format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
Your letter is very appropriate. It is not too formal, yet it does not sound very casual. You might want to add a little more detail and examples of how you are outgoing, hardworking, and dedicated. You mention it but do not go into much detail about a specific time.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You sound very excited about the position. You don’t over-do it which is a good thing. Your wording is very appropriate. You use key words from the job ad such as hardworking and dedicated to highlight your skills.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In your first paragraph you have a comma in the last sentence after succeed and one is not needed. It should read “possess a strong desire to succeed and will thrive in a self-start environment”.
In the second paragraph in the second line it should be “that have helped me develop” since you mention two examples. Your first sentence is a little long; you could break it up into two sentences.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You do a good job using the key words from the job ad. This will definitely draw attention and make one want to read your resume. You could add a little more detail/examples about your past experiences that highlight these key qualities.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
You mention the position you are applying for is for someone who wants to gain experience; maybe follow it up by saying you would like to gain more experience. It is inferred you would like to gain experience but I am not sure how easy it is for an outsider to see this.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
You do a good job highlighting key terms. Your writing will draw the attention of the reader.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Your first paragraph definitely introduces the position and how you found it. You do a great job writing about what the job is looking for.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
You do a great job making sure they know how to contact you. You end on a good note; you mention your resume and that you will be in contact with them. Good job!
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think the most important thing to do is to go into a little more detail about your qualities by using examples. You do such a nice job mentioning these qualities but an example might help you seal the deal.