1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
The letter does include all the necessary components.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, all the text flush is aligned at the left.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
No, after reading the letter I don’t get the feeling that it is too informal or too formal. I think it is just right.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think you have the right tone, but you should change some sentences, try not to use “I” a lot. Maybe someone could perceive it as bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“…I have taken focused in health…” –do you mean: I have focused in health? I think “taken” could be erased.
Other than this, I have not found any other errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I don’t think you are using enough key words from the job ad. You could include them in your conclusion when you say that you would like to expand sales with the company.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
No, you could mention this in the conclusion.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, this is probably your best strength. You use very good pharmaceutical terminology that is definitely good for your letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, everything is identified.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, you close the conclusion very well.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think you should try and cut using the “I” word a lot, and try to prove why you think you would be the best candidate for the job. Use more key words referring to the job ad. Overall, you did a great job.
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing? Everything is here.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)? Yes
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain. Style is perfect.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain. The tone sounds intellectual and qualified.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft. No
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better? You emphasize your experiences with great terminology. More ad keywords is needed.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain. No.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize? Like previously stated, you really have great terminology from experiences. Terminology from website and ad should be added.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited? It is clear that you have a passion for the sciences and how you would be an asset to the company, but I think you could mention a little bit more about the position you are interested in.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain. Yes, very polite.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain. Overall, it sounds very good! Just add in some terminology from the website/ad and also mention a few reasons as to why you have applied for the position.
Comments
Cover Letter Comment
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
The letter does include all the necessary components.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, all the text flush is aligned at the left.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
No, after reading the letter I don’t get the feeling that it is too informal or too formal. I think it is just right.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
I think you have the right tone, but you should change some sentences, try not to use “I” a lot. Maybe someone could perceive it as bragging.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
“…I have taken focused in health…” –do you mean: I have focused in health? I think “taken” could be erased.
Other than this, I have not found any other errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
I don’t think you are using enough key words from the job ad. You could include them in your conclusion when you say that you would like to expand sales with the company.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
No, you could mention this in the conclusion.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, this is probably your best strength. You use very good pharmaceutical terminology that is definitely good for your letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, everything is identified.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, you close the conclusion very well.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I think you should try and cut using the “I” word a lot, and try to prove why you think you would be the best candidate for the job. Use more key words referring to the job ad. Overall, you did a great job.
Form and Style 1. Does
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s), and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing? Everything is here.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)? Yes
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain. Style is perfect.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?) Explain. The tone sounds intellectual and qualified.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them, either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft. No
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better? You emphasize your experiences with great terminology. More ad keywords is needed.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain. No.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize? Like previously stated, you really have great terminology from experiences. Terminology from website and ad should be added.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited? It is clear that you have a passion for the sciences and how you would be an asset to the company, but I think you could mention a little bit more about the position you are interested in.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain. Yes, very polite.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain. Overall, it sounds very good! Just add in some terminology from the website/ad and also mention a few reasons as to why you have applied for the position.