This press release is well written. I would suggest adding a header of some sort so that you know it is coming from JetBlue and when this was released. As for the content, you deal mainly with the facts but also include an apology. I see the apology as being something you would use in the business letter and not in the press release. Press releases should use facts about what happened and the say what actions are being taken to fix those actions. You do that well but incorporate the apology too. As an official statement, I feel its more professional to deal with facts and exclude emotions. I do like your choice of words. They are short words but pack a great deal of meaning which was described in the readings. You may also try writing with a block style and not indenting.
Overall I think that you wrote a nice press release. You have a lot of information that JetBlue customers would want to hear about. You also have an apologetic tone, which goes a long way. I do have a couple suggestions for improvement, however. The biggest one deals with your first sentence. The first sentence sets the tone for the entire rest of the document. The way it is written now makes it seems long and wordy and as I read it, it just seemed to drag on and bore me. I know what you are saying, but it did not make me want to continue reading. If you could come up with a way to shorten it and really grab the reader’s attention, it would help your press release a lot. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of “JetBlue is deeply apologetic for the extreme weather delays and cancellations suffered by its passengers.” This introductory sentence sets up the rest of the press release in the direction you want to take it. Other than this, I think the context is great. I like how you explained the reasons for the problems and repeated that JetBlue is sorry for these circumstances. I like how you mentioned the Customer Bill of Rights, because it shows that the company is looking toward the future of customer service. Another change I would make is to write in block format (do not indent). It will make the press release look more business format and easier to read as well. If you ever need any more feedback on your revisions, I’d be happy to look it over again for you.
I believe you have a strong press release. I like how you include an apology as the main idea of your press release. I think it is entirly acceptable to appologize in a press release.
One suggestion I could make is that you mention that jetBlue wanted to offer rest for flight attendents and pilots between flights. You do say that this is in accordance with the federal regulations, but to create a tone that you are not responsible for the situation, make it sound like the rest was required by law and jetBlue was forced to abide by it, which increase the problems of delays. I hope that makes sense. Try and make it sound like the situation was out of the company's hands, but you are still trying to insure that it does not happen again.
Otherwise, I think it is a very good press release.
Comments
Peer Edit
This press release is well written. I would suggest adding a header of some sort so that you know it is coming from JetBlue and when this was released. As for the content, you deal mainly with the facts but also include an apology. I see the apology as being something you would use in the business letter and not in the press release. Press releases should use facts about what happened and the say what actions are being taken to fix those actions. You do that well but incorporate the apology too. As an official statement, I feel its more professional to deal with facts and exclude emotions. I do like your choice of words. They are short words but pack a great deal of meaning which was described in the readings. You may also try writing with a block style and not indenting.
Peer Editing
Overall I think that you wrote a nice press release. You have a lot of information that JetBlue customers would want to hear about. You also have an apologetic tone, which goes a long way. I do have a couple suggestions for improvement, however. The biggest one deals with your first sentence. The first sentence sets the tone for the entire rest of the document. The way it is written now makes it seems long and wordy and as I read it, it just seemed to drag on and bore me. I know what you are saying, but it did not make me want to continue reading. If you could come up with a way to shorten it and really grab the reader’s attention, it would help your press release a lot. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of “JetBlue is deeply apologetic for the extreme weather delays and cancellations suffered by its passengers.” This introductory sentence sets up the rest of the press release in the direction you want to take it. Other than this, I think the context is great. I like how you explained the reasons for the problems and repeated that JetBlue is sorry for these circumstances. I like how you mentioned the Customer Bill of Rights, because it shows that the company is looking toward the future of customer service. Another change I would make is to write in block format (do not indent). It will make the press release look more business format and easier to read as well. If you ever need any more feedback on your revisions, I’d be happy to look it over again for you.
Suggestions
I believe you have a strong press release. I like how you include an apology as the main idea of your press release. I think it is entirly acceptable to appologize in a press release.
One suggestion I could make is that you mention that jetBlue wanted to offer rest for flight attendents and pilots between flights. You do say that this is in accordance with the federal regulations, but to create a tone that you are not responsible for the situation, make it sound like the rest was required by law and jetBlue was forced to abide by it, which increase the problems of delays. I hope that makes sense. Try and make it sound like the situation was out of the company's hands, but you are still trying to insure that it does not happen again.
Otherwise, I think it is a very good press release.