You did a good job writing this press release. You provided the reader with the main points and it was not too long and drawn out, however I have a couple suggestions. The first paragraph concludes with the lines "JetBlue vows to never let this happen again." You should put this at the end of the release because it sums up the text. I found a guideline that said a press release is stronger with a direct quote, so what you could do is use that line as a quote. I know that David Neeleman deliberately said this, so you could even quote him. Also, it said to include "###" at the end of the press release to show that it had ended. You need to include a title to your text so it captures the readers attention right off the bat. Other than the minor tweaks, I feel that the context was great and I wouldn't change much with that. Nice job.
I thought your press release did a great job of summarizing the situation. You also used strong but concise language to get your point across. To improve your letter you may want to apologize again at the beginning of the third paragraph. This paragraph can be used to summarize the letter as well as provide contact information for follow-up questions and concerns. Also in the center of the second paragraph you talk about the customers security and safety being the highest level of respect for jetBlue. I think it may be more effective using “highest priority”, I just don’t think respect is the right word. Other than those small corrections you did a great job.
Comments
Comments
You did a good job writing this press release. You provided the reader with the main points and it was not too long and drawn out, however I have a couple suggestions. The first paragraph concludes with the lines "JetBlue vows to never let this happen again." You should put this at the end of the release because it sums up the text. I found a guideline that said a press release is stronger with a direct quote, so what you could do is use that line as a quote. I know that David Neeleman deliberately said this, so you could even quote him. Also, it said to include "###" at the end of the press release to show that it had ended. You need to include a title to your text so it captures the readers attention right off the bat. Other than the minor tweaks, I feel that the context was great and I wouldn't change much with that. Nice job.
Press Release
I thought your press release did a great job of summarizing the situation. You also used strong but concise language to get your point across. To improve your letter you may want to apologize again at the beginning of the third paragraph. This paragraph can be used to summarize the letter as well as provide contact information for follow-up questions and concerns. Also in the center of the second paragraph you talk about the customers security and safety being the highest level of respect for jetBlue. I think it may be more effective using “highest priority”, I just don’t think respect is the right word. Other than those small corrections you did a great job.