Overall, your press release is good, but there are some areas that could use some improvement. For instance, you use the word "we" a lot in the first paragraph which kind of takes away the letter's professionalism. You could also put more facts in the letter's content since it kind of has a narrative tone. Also, when you talk about the bill of rights, you could mention a few of its benefits towards the airline's customers to enforce the fact that JetBlue is sorry about the incident and committing to its customers. Besides this, you did a good job.
You have a great start to this press release. I would recommend not using the word "we" in so many of your statements. This will help the professionalism and not make it sound too personal. I would go more in depth with what exactly the Bill of RIghts will do for future customers. You did a good job of talking about what can be done in the future. You also did a good job talking about why the airline is sorry and what they did wrong. Not a bad press release, but fixing those few things could really make it a stellar document.
I think the layout of your press release is very effective. You started off by discussing what happened, followed by introducing the changes being implemented, and finished by offering your commitment of service to the customer. I think by choosing that particular order, your press release flowed very well. The only suggestion I have is to keep in mind the professionalism of the document. The first line and the last paragraph seem fine to me, but the writing in between seemed to lose its professionalism. Maybe you could use the word “we” less and replace it with “JetBlue” or “the company.” Other than that, I think the tone and flow were just right!
Comments
Feedback
Overall, your press release is good, but there are some areas that could use some improvement. For instance, you use the word "we" a lot in the first paragraph which kind of takes away the letter's professionalism. You could also put more facts in the letter's content since it kind of has a narrative tone. Also, when you talk about the bill of rights, you could mention a few of its benefits towards the airline's customers to enforce the fact that JetBlue is sorry about the incident and committing to its customers. Besides this, you did a good job.
PR comment
You have a great start to this press release. I would recommend not using the word "we" in so many of your statements. This will help the professionalism and not make it sound too personal. I would go more in depth with what exactly the Bill of RIghts will do for future customers. You did a good job of talking about what can be done in the future. You also did a good job talking about why the airline is sorry and what they did wrong. Not a bad press release, but fixing those few things could really make it a stellar document.
Comment
I think the layout of your press release is very effective. You started off by discussing what happened, followed by introducing the changes being implemented, and finished by offering your commitment of service to the customer. I think by choosing that particular order, your press release flowed very well. The only suggestion I have is to keep in mind the professionalism of the document. The first line and the last paragraph seem fine to me, but the writing in between seemed to lose its professionalism. Maybe you could use the word “we” less and replace it with “JetBlue” or “the company.” Other than that, I think the tone and flow were just right!