Business Letter
This is my business letter to a JetBlue passenger that was delayed during the events of February 14-18. My goal was to offer JetBlue's greatest apologies and hoping the customer would fly on JetBlue again.
Any comments on how I can do anything better will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Comments
Business Letter
I think you did a really good job with writing your business letter. You wrote that your main goal was to offer your apologies to the passenger and I feel that is exactly what they will sense after reading your business letter. I also like how you told him how the refunds are working and how jetBlue is working towards making any problems better. Your business letter looks very professional and it looks like one that a president or CEO of a company would write. Overall I would say you did a great job and I think you accomplished your goal of showing how sorry you are and you will probably be able to keep a lot of business after passengers see a business letter like this.
Peer Editing
You used a similar approach to me when writing your business letter. I think that this is the most effective way to go about it. The first paragraph addresses the reader. The second acknowledges the problem. The third says what is being done about it. The fourth readdresses concerns and looks toward the future. In the first paragraph I would change “in order that they never occur again” into “to prevent them from occurring again.” It sounds much clearer. Another thing to consider is the usage of “you.” For example, in the second paragraph, you could rewrite “For the past seven years, we have strived to make passengers’ air travel as simple and pleasant as possible” to be “For the past seven years, we have strived to make air travel as simple and pleasant as possible for you.” It will seem much more personal to your reader and have a greater effect. In the third paragraph, write out the word “three.” In the last sentence of your third paragraph, you write “JetBlue recognizes how valuable you are to our business.” This is alright; however it makes me think of the quote “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Instead you could focus on how jetBlue can serve the customer, not how the customer’s business will help the company. There seems to be an extra line between the third and fourth paragraph. After making these changes, I think you will have a well written business letter.
Comments.
I really liked how you wrote you letter. You included the important apology without sounding over the top. You did a good job including all the information that you need to about explaining what happened that day, but I think it is important not to focus on the information because the people you are writing to already know what happened that day. I also like how you said that there are over 500 flights that day and 250 of them were cancelled. That shows that the company didn't flop entirely that day. But I liked how you did take total responsibility for the situation and did not try and pass the blame onto someone else. One thing that you could do to improve your letter is to check the spacing of your letter. There seams to be an extra large space between to paragraphs. Just make sure all the spacing is correct.
business letter reply
I thought your business letter was very apologetic. I found this business letter to be much like the press release article we wrote earlier in the week. Always leaving the jetblue website is a great idea.