I think you did a good job on the letter. You started with an apology, which i think is good because that is the main reason to be writing this letter. I also think you did a good job of summarizing what happened that day. One thing I think you might consider is rearranging the order of when you say things. I think the people you are writing already have a pretty good idea of what happened that day, and unless you have new information to tell them, I don't think much of what you have to say is of that much interest. But the free flight, might be of a little more interest to them, so maybe you should move that up. I think it would keep they're interest longer then to read about all the things that happened that made them so mad.
Overall this is a well written business letter. You did a nice job to organize the paragraphs into a brief apology, a description of what happened, a way that JetBlue was going to fix the problem, and then apologizing again. I really like your word choice as it makes the letter more professional and makes the reader feel that JetBlue really cares about what the passenger feels. The only thing I could advise would be to restate what was said in the letter, in the last paragraph. This may be hard due to space constraints but it could wrap the whole letter up. I could also suggest making up a name for the person you are writing to. John Doe seems less impersonal than if you used a name. Other than that this is a well written business letter.
Comments
Comments.
Ooo. I like the pretty letter head you created.
I think you did a good job on the letter. You started with an apology, which i think is good because that is the main reason to be writing this letter. I also think you did a good job of summarizing what happened that day. One thing I think you might consider is rearranging the order of when you say things. I think the people you are writing already have a pretty good idea of what happened that day, and unless you have new information to tell them, I don't think much of what you have to say is of that much interest. But the free flight, might be of a little more interest to them, so maybe you should move that up. I think it would keep they're interest longer then to read about all the things that happened that made them so mad.
just a thought.
Peer Edit
Overall this is a well written business letter. You did a nice job to organize the paragraphs into a brief apology, a description of what happened, a way that JetBlue was going to fix the problem, and then apologizing again. I really like your word choice as it makes the letter more professional and makes the reader feel that JetBlue really cares about what the passenger feels. The only thing I could advise would be to restate what was said in the letter, in the last paragraph. This may be hard due to space constraints but it could wrap the whole letter up. I could also suggest making up a name for the person you are writing to. John Doe seems less impersonal than if you used a name. Other than that this is a well written business letter.