I really liked how well all your ideas were organized in the letter. There is a proper flow to the letter. Through out the letter you seem polite and apologetic. I liked the fact that you acknowledged that whatever was being given as compensation would not changed what happened.
I do however think it has become a little long. I would decrease your explanation of what happened a little. It is important to give reasons but I feel like the customers were at the airport, they knew what was happening and why. Everything else seems really good on the letter.
I like the format of your letter. You start with an apology, lead into a paragraph about what happend, talked about what you are going to do to correct the situation and then sumed up what the whole letter was about. I liked how you used "you" to make the letter to the passenger more about them and not about all the customers that were affected by this situation. In the fourth paragraph, I would consider changing the last sentence so that it doesnt start with because. You could say "due to our great dedication to customer service, JetBlue is the only airline with a Customer Bill of Rights" or something along those lines. Also consider making "the" lower case when talking about the Customers Bill of Rights in the fourth paragraph. I dont know if "the" is in the official title but it doesnt seem like an important word to capitalize. Other than that, this is a well written letter.
I think your business letter is well organized containing all the information that a reader might want to hear about. I can see that your apologetic tone was consistent till the end yet giving full explanation of why such this event had happened. Especially in the second paragraph, while you explained the situation causing delays and cancellations, it could have sound like you are giving excuses but you gave logical reasons to support your argument. It gave me a clear picture of what was happening back then. You also did a great job right after at the third paragraph, by admitting that JetBlue didn’t fulfill the customer’s satisfaction. I think you made a strong connection sounding like JetBlue truly cares about the customer’s satisfaction.
Comments
Peer edit
I really liked how well all your ideas were organized in the letter. There is a proper flow to the letter. Through out the letter you seem polite and apologetic. I liked the fact that you acknowledged that whatever was being given as compensation would not changed what happened.
I do however think it has become a little long. I would decrease your explanation of what happened a little. It is important to give reasons but I feel like the customers were at the airport, they knew what was happening and why. Everything else seems really good on the letter.
Great Job!
Peer Edit
I like the format of your letter. You start with an apology, lead into a paragraph about what happend, talked about what you are going to do to correct the situation and then sumed up what the whole letter was about. I liked how you used "you" to make the letter to the passenger more about them and not about all the customers that were affected by this situation. In the fourth paragraph, I would consider changing the last sentence so that it doesnt start with because. You could say "due to our great dedication to customer service, JetBlue is the only airline with a Customer Bill of Rights" or something along those lines. Also consider making "the" lower case when talking about the Customers Bill of Rights in the fourth paragraph. I dont know if "the" is in the official title but it doesnt seem like an important word to capitalize. Other than that, this is a well written letter.
Comments
I think your business letter is well organized containing all the information that a reader might want to hear about. I can see that your apologetic tone was consistent till the end yet giving full explanation of why such this event had happened. Especially in the second paragraph, while you explained the situation causing delays and cancellations, it could have sound like you are giving excuses but you gave logical reasons to support your argument. It gave me a clear picture of what was happening back then. You also did a great job right after at the third paragraph, by admitting that JetBlue didn’t fulfill the customer’s satisfaction. I think you made a strong connection sounding like JetBlue truly cares about the customer’s satisfaction.