If I was reader of your letter then I think I would be only a little convinced to do business again with Jet Blue. I think you should elaborate more on what happened exactly and make the letter a little more personal. I mean make use of the word ‘YOU’, you can rephrase a sentence like 'we have made Customers bill of right for passengers like you’. Some sentences like these will make a sincere effort to make it personal as well as an different impact on the reader. Other thing you might want to change is make name the jet blue in capital as it’s the company’s name. Conciseness is very important hence i believe it is better when one talks straight to the point.
Overall the outlook seems good. You've got most of the things in place. May be you want to take my suggestions into account.
Your letter was really good; it looked professional with the letterhead at the top. Although right when I looked at it I thought it could be a little bit longer it looked like it needed a little bit more content and maybe a bit more form to it. The opening paragraph is really good. I like how it starts out just by simply apologizing I think that is so important and simple. I second paragraph is good but the form of it is a little off and disorganized it just needs to be reorganized a little. I also think maybe it could use something about free vouchers in the letter that would really help with the content and length of the letter. The last paragraph needs a couple more sentences about servicing them again, having them and returning customers, apologizes and anything else you can think of. You did a really good job but I just think you need a little more content and it will be perfect!
Comments
Peer editing
If I was reader of your letter then I think I would be only a little convinced to do business again with Jet Blue. I think you should elaborate more on what happened exactly and make the letter a little more personal. I mean make use of the word ‘YOU’, you can rephrase a sentence like 'we have made Customers bill of right for passengers like you’. Some sentences like these will make a sincere effort to make it personal as well as an different impact on the reader. Other thing you might want to change is make name the jet blue in capital as it’s the company’s name. Conciseness is very important hence i believe it is better when one talks straight to the point.
Overall the outlook seems good. You've got most of the things in place. May be you want to take my suggestions into account.
Peer Feedback
Your letter was really good; it looked professional with the letterhead at the top. Although right when I looked at it I thought it could be a little bit longer it looked like it needed a little bit more content and maybe a bit more form to it. The opening paragraph is really good. I like how it starts out just by simply apologizing I think that is so important and simple. I second paragraph is good but the form of it is a little off and disorganized it just needs to be reorganized a little. I also think maybe it could use something about free vouchers in the letter that would really help with the content and length of the letter. The last paragraph needs a couple more sentences about servicing them again, having them and returning customers, apologizes and anything else you can think of. You did a really good job but I just think you need a little more content and it will be perfect!