Overall this a good start for your letter. There were just a few things I noticed. First I think you could use the JetBlue logo, you could copy this from the website. By adding the logo it would help it look more legit and professional. Also I thought you could’ve have started the first paragraph off better, it’s a little too informal. Instead of “February 14 of 2007” in the first paragraph I think you should use February 14, 2007.You are making good points throughout the letter, and you are very convincing that your apology is sincere. I think if you make those adjustments you should be fine, Good luck!!
I think the overall structure of your letter is good. You seem to progress nicely from the mistakes Jet Blue made to how they plan to fix it. You might want to watch some of phrasing of your sentences. I had a little trouble following some of your sentences, until I read them a couple times. Particularly, the first sentence of your second paragraph. The first time I read it I got the impression Jet Blue wasn't obligated to help the passengers. The only other suggestion I have is to be a little more concise. For example the last sentence in your second paragraph could be broken into two. "This is just the start...we have learned from this experience." "Most of all we will go...". Other than those comments it is a good start.
Comments
comment on letter
Overall this a good start for your letter. There were just a few things I noticed. First I think you could use the JetBlue logo, you could copy this from the website. By adding the logo it would help it look more legit and professional. Also I thought you could’ve have started the first paragraph off better, it’s a little too informal. Instead of “February 14 of 2007” in the first paragraph I think you should use February 14, 2007.You are making good points throughout the letter, and you are very convincing that your apology is sincere. I think if you make those adjustments you should be fine, Good luck!!
Peer-editing of Business Letter
I think the overall structure of your letter is good. You seem to progress nicely from the mistakes Jet Blue made to how they plan to fix it. You might want to watch some of phrasing of your sentences. I had a little trouble following some of your sentences, until I read them a couple times. Particularly, the first sentence of your second paragraph. The first time I read it I got the impression Jet Blue wasn't obligated to help the passengers. The only other suggestion I have is to be a little more concise. For example the last sentence in your second paragraph could be broken into two. "This is just the start...we have learned from this experience." "Most of all we will go...". Other than those comments it is a good start.