Home › Service learning project › Service learning draft 1

Group 5 - Tirrell - Brochure Draft1

Wed, 07/18/2007 - 18:38 — robertsr

Attached as a pdf are Group 5's brochures. There is a color version and a grey scale version!

Comments

Fri, 07/20/2007 - 15:40 — jtirrell
jtirrell's picture

Group 5 - Tirrell - Brochure Draft1 comments

The group is off to a good start. Specific comments from me and CFRC are appended below.
  • The gutter on both versions needs to allow space for folding.
  • Using justified text causes weird gaps between words. Consider using left justified text.
  • Be aware of alignment and placement of graphics and text. There are shifts between the color and grayscale versions. Also, you need to leave a bleed margin on the edge of the page.
  • The Christmas Day Dinner logo on the front panel should be moved up. There is too much white space between it and the header.
  • The vertical CFRC logo on the front panel can be removed.
  • The spacing on the contact information panel needs to be addressed, particularly in the color version. Text is crunched in places, and there are big blocks of white space at the bottom and above the contact information.
  • The contact information should be:
    Community & Family Resource Center
    South Side Community Center
    330 Fountain Street (not 300)
    Lafayette, IN 47901
  • All questions should be directed to the 5046 phone number. The other phone number should be removed.
  • Use "CFRC" instead of "the CFRC" throughout the brochures.
  • The colon after "including" on the "About the CFRC" panel should be removed.
  • The "What services do we offer?" section needs revision. CFRC offers many other services.
  • The bullet list item "Achieve inner fulfillment" needs to be removed (or revised for clarity).
  • The "Give Yourself a Gift—Volunteer!" statement is good, but the punctuation between "Gift" and "Volunteer" should be a dash without spaces.
  • The clear descriptions and photos in the "Can't be there on Christmas?" panel are good, but the panel format needs significant revision. "Decorating and Set Up" should be changed to "Set Up." The "Pick up Team" block should be the "Tear Down" block, and the corresponding information should be changed. (CFRC would prefer this information to the pick up team information.) The content is compressed and misaligned. The statement "...still other opportunities" in the heading also needs revision.
  • The statement "The Christmas Day Dinner is put on..." needs revision. CFRC wants to emphasize that the event is produced by the community, not an isolated organization. Also, this paragraph contains a lot of unnecessary passive constructions.
  • The "Christmas Day Volunteers" section needs revision. The items don't consistently refer to the same thing (sometimes to a person, sometimes to a location or task). Just as in your resume, parallelism is crucial.
  • The block of text above the Volunteer/Donation Form needs to be heavily streamlined. Remember the importance of concision, particularly in the brochure genre.
  • The Volunteer/Donation Form shouldn't go to Pam Biggs-Reed. Change that line to "Christmas Day Dinner." Also, the address is 330 Fountain Street.
  • The Volunteer/Donation Form should also ask for a phone number and email address.
  • The volunteer choices in the Volunteer/Donation Form should match those listed in the panel next to it.
  • You don't need cash and credit card option on the Volunteer/Donation Form, but you do need a statement that cash, check, and credit card donations may be made at any time at the South Side Community Center.