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Tirrell Group 1 Draft 1

pstudtma's picture
Wed, 07/18/2007 - 23:52 — pstudtma

Here is our first draft!

Comments

Fri, 07/20/2007 - 16:52 — jtirrell
jtirrell's picture

Tirrell Group 1 Draft 1 comments

Your brochures are off to a good start. Specific comments from me and CFRC are appended below.
  • The Christmas Day Dinner logo would work better on the front cover than the CFRC logo.
  • The "About Us" section would benefit from revision. Keep in mind the conventions of a brochure. Concision is the key.
  • The phone number in the "About Us" section should be (765) 742-5046. People also do not have to speak with the executive director, so her information may be removed throughout the brochure.
  • The Volunteer Form would benefit from revision. The tasks seem to be written in different font sizes. Presumably, this is so that each of them will fit on one line; nevertheless, it doesn't read as well as it might. The "Other" option also needs to be deleted. Also, a blank for a volunteer's email address should be added.
  • The line spacing (leading) on your second page changes. Visually, this isn't as effective as it could be.
  • The "The CFRC Christmas Day Dinner" section is good information, but keep in mind that the purpose of this document is to solicit volunteers, not guests. There are other documents (including advertisements) to do that.
  • The statement that donations support other CFRC programs must be removed. For legal reasons, all donations to Christmas Day Dinner must be used for that event.
  • The contact's name and email address should be removed from the document (because the contact person will change). Using CFRC's phone number and web site is fine.
  • Globally, make sure to check all of your content to make sure that the prose is effective. There are some awkward constructions and grammar errors in the brochures. Things like this affect the professional ethos of these document.