Reading Response #6
According to chapter 37, “sentences with rhythm and variety can mesmerize your readers into paying more attention and assigning greater value to your writing.” With that in mind, I think the biggest change my group needs to make to the writing portions of our brochure is to add variety to the sentences. After looking more closely at the writing, it seems that all of us used about the same length for each one of our sentences. If we varied the length of the sentences more, I think we would hold the reader’s attention longer. I think using bullet points for the donations article was a good idea. If possible, I think we should try to make more lists with bullet points to keep the writing easier to follow. I also think we should try to add more variety to the sentence openings, as suggested on page 763 in chapter 37. I have noticed that a lot of the sentences in the articles in our brochure begin with phrases. Maybe if we change some of our sentence openers, the articles would be less tedious and easier to read.
While I think the variety of our writing on the brochure needs some work, I think we were on the right track as far as our audience goes. I think we did a good job of presenting the ways in which donating to the organization would help. And with our audience being mostly adults, I think we appealed to their caring sides by telling about the ways in which the kids will be helped by their donations. For example, in our donations section, the ways in which the money will be used is clearly listed. I think most adults are more likely to want to help out if they know exactly how their money will be used. While our brochure is still just a draft, I think it is well on the right track.
Comments
Comment Group 1
It’s true; our sentences are all about the same length and I also brought up the use of bullets in my blog. I think we are out to a good start, but we can improve on our entire project. By changing the sentence structure and using bullets, I think we will be able to effectively get our point across. I also like what you said about the donations section. I completely agree that if someone knows exactly what their money will be going to, they are far more apt to donating. I think we discussed this in our draft but there is always room for improvement!
Reading Response Comment
After reading the chapters, you already seem to know exactly what your group needs to change or add to make it better! I felt this way also as I was reading the chapters and considering my group's brochure. My group had sentence variety but it was different sentences in each part of our brochure from where we divided the text. One of things my group needs to work on is making sure the brochure sounds like it was made by one person and not a group. I also think adding bullet points to my group's brochure will keep the reader interested because it is easy to read and guides the eye from one piece of information to the next. I think these chapters helped everyone see their brochure using these elements and already have ideas on how to change things which is great. You also seem to know where your group needs to improve and which details of your brochure were used effectively.
Comments.
I think you might be right about the sentence structure. When I first read it over, I thought that we did a pretty good job, but if you take a critical look at it, It really isn't that good at all. I think we do need to take some time to work on the sentence structure. Thanks for pointing this out. I think the biggest thing that you failed to mention was that we need to restructure the layout and display of the brochure. I think all the points you make are true, I just think that we also need to do a bit more because when it really comes down to it: this is a marketing project. This brochure is "selling" the idea of helping out the cause. When was the last time you noticed an advertisement that wasn't eye catching?
Reply
I agree our group needs to work on the writing portions of our brochure as well and add variety to our sentences. A lot of the sentences in the middle section of our brochure are all the same format and length. It not only gets boring to look at but it gets boring to read and it won’t capture the attention of our audience. Which is the point of the whole brochure in the first point, that is why it is so important to really think how you are going to capture your audiences attention and not overwhelm them with information.
Reply
I think audience is one of the most important things to consider when creating a document of any kind especially this brochure. I like how your group has tried to focus on getting people to volunteer and donate money by showing them how what their efforts are going to help. I agree with you that more people will be inclined to help out if they know what their money is being spent towards, especially this day and age when there are some many organizations trying to get you to give them money. And, increasingly so with the amount of corruption that has gone on lately.
I agree
I agree that we have to add some more variety to the senteces. I really liked your idea of varying the sentence openings, as suggested on page 763. I agree that the brochure will be easier to read if we use more bullet points. Chapter 37 will be very helpful for us to make the composition more interesting. You brought up a really good point. I agree that a lot of the sentences in the articles in our brochure begin with phrases. We can fix this problem by applying the principles given in chapter 37. About the design and layout, I think we should consider making good use of red and green colors. Since it’s the Christmas event, I think green and red will reflect and emphasize the purpose of our brochure very well. I think our first draft was a great starting point.
reading response week 6
I don't believe that varying the sentence length will hold the audience attention longer.