Reading Response Week 7
Because I will not be around for the next week, I am taking care of this assignment today. However, I am forced to use our first draft for the brochure without any editting. I think this will actually help us understand if our second draft is actually an improvement or not.
My "5 Minute Brochure Design Trash Test"
Appeal to Emotions: (-)
I think we did not do a good enough job at this. one thing that really appeals to emotions is the use of photographs. I commented on this before that we need to include more photographs, so I believe we will be able to make this a stronger point in the future. We could also work on the wording to make it sound like there is a greater need for donations and volunteers.
Be Professional: (+)
This we did a good job at. Maybe too good of a job. Our brochure is professional, but if I was a member in this community, I would not be interested in picking this up and seeing how I could help. The use of colors appropriatly would make this much more exciting, yet still professional.
Be Personal: (-)
In general, I think we did a pretty good job at this. I think we could do even better when it comes to actually creating a connection between the audience and the project. This improvement will come through word choice and word structure. Like the book said, we need to work on creating a better use of subjects at the begining of sentences to show what is important.
Achieve Readability: (+)
Our brochure is very easy to read. The spacing of the words is clear and the use of bullets in the donations section is great. I feel we could use bullets more effectivly in other places as well. But the spacing and layout is very easy to understand.
Speak the Language: (+)
Our language is good. we don't use complex words. If is concise and not complicated.
Lead with Benefits: (-)
We talk about the need for volunteers, but we do not address what will come of the volunteers' assistance. I think we should show how they volunteers will actually make a difference in the lives of community members. Changing this will also help us appeal to emotions, which is another thing that we need to improve.
Have a Single Message: (+)
"Come help out at our Christmas Dinner and Celebration."
Focus on a Product or Service: (+)
I think we did a good job here. At first I was confused as to what this item was addressing, but looking at some other group's brochures it becomes more clear. We address the need for volunteers, but we do not go into extrem detail about each item. i think this is smart becasue like the article said, our brochure doesn't read, "like a catalogue." We talk about how we need help and then on our tear off page we list the different areas to help. They can check things off and recieve more information about it later.
Make an Action Call: (-)
We could do a better job of calling people to action. We need to really persuade people to want to join the cause and help out.
Total Score: (+)=5 (-)=4
Comments
Comment
Due to the fact that your trash test is based upon our first draft, our responses vary a little. I came up with only two negatives, which is a passing score according to the "Adding Your Score" sectio of the test. Hopefully that means we have improved quite a bit from our first draft to the second. I agree that we need to work on pointing out the benefits. However, by pointing out the ways in which the donations will be used, we are focusing on the CFRC's benefits, not the reader's. I was thinking we should mention more ways in which the person donating will benefit. The other section I gave a minus to was the "Have a Single Message" section. I think we are sending across two different messages. At the beginning of the articles about the dinner, we are basically giving an invitation to the event. In the next section, we are asking for volunteers and donations. I think we should probably focus more on asking for help. Other than that, I think we have fixed a lot of the things you pointed out as needing attention.
Comment Week 7
I agree, by you doing this with our first draft, we can see what has changed in our second draft. First, by adding color and making our brochure more visually pleasing, we are able to appeal to the emotions of our audience much better. When I was working on revising the brochure I instantly saw a difference when adding background color. Next, I think we need to work on our benefits section. We really need to make sure our audience knows what they will get if they volunteer or donate (helping families in need). Overall, I think we have made some really good progress and I know our final draft is even going to look better.
comment
I agree that we should work on making the action call area. Although I think our second draft has been improved in many areas, there's still room for improvement. I think all of us have the same opinions of our brochures. We can include clearer purpose and audience by articulating why we need volunteer and donations and how they will be used. Since my part is the info of the donation, I will try to appeal the readers by including why we need the donations. As you mentioned about “Be Personal” part, I agree that our first draft needed more work on this area. The second draft, however, the design and colors have been used effectively. But I think if we discuss and think some more we will be able to make the better version of our brochures.