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Tirrell Group 3 Draft 2

mcalmet's picture
Tue, 07/24/2007 - 22:17 — mcalmet

Here is our second draft due today, I managed to fix the problem with the check boxes in both versions to be able to turn it in in .pdf format. Feel free to give us any feedback!

Comments

Wed, 07/25/2007 - 17:04 — archit
archit's picture

comment

Guys I think that you have done a great job. The colors are just perfect. The brochure doesn't look messy and crammed up. The pictures are good and are adequate to get the reader into the mood of Christmas. I think it would be better if you could put some sort of background color to the brochure, so that it looks a bit colorful, rather than the plain white color. It would be better if you could put the name, address and the contact on the front page because it really helps the reader to know the organization that issued it. The text color is nice and also matches the theme. I think that on some of the pages there appear white gaps which look odd, what you guys can do is, to put some small pictures related to the theme.(Ex. socks, Christmas tree, Christmas cap, etc.). I think that will consume the white space and make the page look more attractive. Also on the Mission page you guys can add a picture, something like the one that you have put on the first page. The last bullet point under Decorating and Entertainment Coordinator needs to be aligned properly. I think these changes can really make your brochure look better. Other than that, great job !!!!

Wed, 07/25/2007 - 18:09 — aurban

Peer Edit

I want to start by saying that your brochure looks good. I’m sure all of you have put a lot of work into this. I have a couple thoughts that may be able to help you even more. First, at the very bottom of the volunteer form, you talk about cash donations being made at the South Side Community Center. I would suggest including a mailing address here and encouraging people to mail their checks. I know most people may not want to travel all the way to the SSCC just to drop of a check, but may be more willing to mail it in. After looking at the second page, it seems you already have this setup to be mailed in for volunteer opportunities. I would still work in a way for checks to be mailed. Another suggestion I would make is to add a background color. I would pick a color that is light so that it does not interfere with any of your other colors that you already have set. At the same time, however, it should fit into your color scheme. The front cover looks great. I like how the picture is under the Christmas tree, almost like a present. On the second page in the middle column, watch the alignment at the bottom. You should make sure this text aligns with the picture to the left of it. As it is now, it seems really close to the bottom of the page. The only other suggestion I would make is to add some more pictures to the brochure to spice it up a bit. Do not overdo it, but I noticed some gaps of white space that could be filled up with small images. I’m sure you can find plenty of clipart type images on Christmas things. With a little revision, I think you will have a nice brochure.

Thu, 07/26/2007 - 02:45 — mfaslam
mfaslam's picture

Peer Edit

I think this specific brochure is designed well and your effort in putting this together can clearly be seen. This brochure follows the proper guidelines that were given in the text and it also creates relatedness amongst the readers. Just skipping over the pages makes the reader at least feel the purpose of the brochure as everyone could relate to it in more than one way. I really like the positive and purposeful effect that it creates. I really like the way this brochure is presented i.e. urging people to volunteer and get involved rather than simply asking for donation. Personally I feel that people respond much better this type of communication with respect to monetary donations, which are essential to a Non Profit Organization.

The visuals really work in harmony with the text in creating the desired effect and conveying the desired message. The alignment of the text is consistent throughout the brochure. The visual theme and images follow a consistent pattern and are easy to follow along. The consistent use of colors through out the brochure catches the reader's eye and intrigues readers's curiosity to read further. With respect to the grayscale brochure, I feel that youshould adjust the font color in that version so that font comes out darker and it is easier to read.

Overall, I think this is a job well done!

Thu, 07/26/2007 - 21:21 — jtirrell
jtirrell's picture

Comments from CFRC

The following comments are from CFRC:

  • The image caption on the front cover is cut off.
  • The paragraph of description in the "Mission" section should be drawn from CFRC's information statement (linked on the project write-up: http://www.digitalparlor.org/su07/420Y1/tirrell_service_learning).
  • There needs to be more space between "Christmas Day Dinner" and "Guiding Children...Supporting Families...Serving Our Community" in the "Mission" section.
  • The physical address (330 Fountain Street) and phone number don't need to be on the mailing form.
  • The "CFRC's unforgettable moment" caption can be removed.
  • The figures in the picture caption and the "Christmas Day Dinner" section still aren't consistent. It says 3,000 in the caption and 2,600 in the "Christmas Day Dinner" section.
  • The list of tasks in the "Pre-event Coordinator Volunteer Opportunities" section needs to be parallel. This means that the bullet items all need to start with the same part of speech. Also, the list under "Christmas Day" needs to be parallel. Currently, some of the items refer to people (Kitchen Volunteers), some refer to places (Food Service Beverage Table), and some to tasks (Answer Phones). All these items need to refer to the same type of thing.
Mon, 07/30/2007 - 13:57 — terr4741

Peer editing brochure

I thought your brochure was very nice. The layout with the text and pictures went very well together. When I first looked at the color brochure I did not know how well the grey scale one would look. But after looking at it, the brochure looks great. Even the photos of the dinner and santa giving out presents looked bright and clear. I was worried that the pictures would be to small to see clearly once the color brochure when to a grey scale but the pictures were still very visible. The brochure include tons of information in such a small area of space. I thought the bulletins were useful and catchy to the eye of where and when volunteering was available. Nice over all brochure.