Form & Style
1. Yes, all components are included.
2. Block format is consistent throughout
3. I think the style is good. The job requires a good writer, and I think that you display your writing skills well in this letter.
4. You claim to have “developed a full knowledge of the communication process.” This makes it sound like you’re a know-it-all or that you’ve learned everything there is to know in this area. Maybe you have, and I would certainly recommend highlighting your experience, but I’d suggest making it seem like you’re open to learning more. Employers like knowledgeable employees, but they also value the ability to learn.
5. Spelling looks good. The sentence, “But, as a professional writing major, …” could be revised. You use the word “but” twice, and I think you should get rid of the one at the beginning of the sentence. The part of another sentence, “an interest in the topics Lilly needs associates to write about,” doesn’t flow very well. You may consider revising this too. Maybe something like “with an interest in writing about any of the topics required by Lilly.” In your ending paragraph, you use a comma before your email address, but not before your phone number. It seems inconsistent to me, but I’m not an English major
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. You do use key words and phrases in your letter. They’re looking for somebody that can coordinate scientific publications, and it seems that you have good familiarity with journal articles. To make your cover letter better, maybe give a short example or reference to a scientific article that you’ve written, or quantify the number of them that you’ve written. Have you been published in a journal?
2. Yes. You note your experience with scientific journals from your education and work experience, as well as your interest in continuing work in this field.
3. I understand everything in the letter, except for maybe the “communication process.” I’m not sure what this refers to exactly, but maybe people in the business do.
4. The intro covers the job title, the source of the ad, and the two majors you’ve been studying at Purdue, both of which relate to the job. I’d say it’s pretty good.
5. Yes, the methods of communication are reiteration in the conclusion. You also express your enthusiasm when you say “I would love to meet with you.” Personally, I wouldn’t use the word “love,” and I doubt that many of the guys on here would either, but maybe it works for a girl.
6. Most importantly, I think that a few of the sentences could be revised so that they can be more easily read (see my notes for #5 in form/style). You might also quantify something about your work experience. Otherwise, I think this cover letter effectively expresses your interest in the position and your qualifications for the job.
Personal
1. Yes. Highlight some of your experience. See #1 and #6 in content/rhetorical context.
2. I think your tone is fine. It’s not too laid back, but it’s not overly stiff. The tone makes you seem driven.
- Components
o Return Address: very good!
o Header – a header is used, but is it the same as your resume?
o Salutation – Very well done
o Intro Paragraph – I really love this intro paragraph, it is short, to the point and seems to get across all the relevant information.
o Body – These body paragraphs also sound really good, they mention your skills and relate them specifically to this position. I agree with jrdavies that the “full knowledge” wording might be worth rewording.
o Conclusion – This conclusion paragraph contains all of the necessary components.
- Block Format used! Very well aligned
- Extremely related to the company and position, not generic at all, good balance between formal and informal.
- In reading this, with the recruiter’s point of view, I would rate you as a knowledgeable candidate who is self confident. The “full knowledge” issue mentioned above may hinder the letter a bit though.
- Very well done on the spelling and mechanical errors, none that I noticed beyond what jrdavies mentioned.
Content/Rhetorical Context
- 1. I feel that you spoke directly to the position at hand. Your wording certainly seems related to the position.
- 2. Yes, the reasons why you applied for this position are very evident.
- 3. Specific skills and technology are most definitely discussed, and anyone working at Eli Lilly should be able to understand what is discussed.
- 4. The position is identified, as is the source. The discussion of your interesting double major is a great way to relate your abilities to this position.
- 5. Conclusion contains contact information! Your recap of relevant skills is great and it ends with a great tone.
- 6. Honestly, this was very well done! With the possibility of what jrdavies mentioned as far as grammatical errors and a change of the “full knowledge” issue, this letter is contains very few problems.
I feel your tone is very well spoken throughout the letter, it is inviting and confident.
Some more detailed keywords may be in order, but otherwise your discussion of your education is appropriate.
Quantify Some Experience
Form & Style
1. Yes, all components are included.
2. Block format is consistent throughout
3. I think the style is good. The job requires a good writer, and I think that you display your writing skills well in this letter.
4. You claim to have “developed a full knowledge of the communication process.” This makes it sound like you’re a know-it-all or that you’ve learned everything there is to know in this area. Maybe you have, and I would certainly recommend highlighting your experience, but I’d suggest making it seem like you’re open to learning more. Employers like knowledgeable employees, but they also value the ability to learn.
5. Spelling looks good. The sentence, “But, as a professional writing major, …” could be revised. You use the word “but” twice, and I think you should get rid of the one at the beginning of the sentence. The part of another sentence, “an interest in the topics Lilly needs associates to write about,” doesn’t flow very well. You may consider revising this too. Maybe something like “with an interest in writing about any of the topics required by Lilly.” In your ending paragraph, you use a comma before your email address, but not before your phone number. It seems inconsistent to me, but I’m not an English major
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. You do use key words and phrases in your letter. They’re looking for somebody that can coordinate scientific publications, and it seems that you have good familiarity with journal articles. To make your cover letter better, maybe give a short example or reference to a scientific article that you’ve written, or quantify the number of them that you’ve written. Have you been published in a journal?
2. Yes. You note your experience with scientific journals from your education and work experience, as well as your interest in continuing work in this field.
3. I understand everything in the letter, except for maybe the “communication process.” I’m not sure what this refers to exactly, but maybe people in the business do.
4. The intro covers the job title, the source of the ad, and the two majors you’ve been studying at Purdue, both of which relate to the job. I’d say it’s pretty good.
5. Yes, the methods of communication are reiteration in the conclusion. You also express your enthusiasm when you say “I would love to meet with you.” Personally, I wouldn’t use the word “love,” and I doubt that many of the guys on here would either, but maybe it works for a girl.
6. Most importantly, I think that a few of the sentences could be revised so that they can be more easily read (see my notes for #5 in form/style). You might also quantify something about your work experience. Otherwise, I think this cover letter effectively expresses your interest in the position and your qualifications for the job.
Personal
1. Yes. Highlight some of your experience. See #1 and #6 in content/rhetorical context.
2. I think your tone is fine. It’s not too laid back, but it’s not overly stiff. The tone makes you seem driven.
Form and
Form and Style
- Components
o Return Address: very good!
o Header – a header is used, but is it the same as your resume?
o Salutation – Very well done
o Intro Paragraph – I really love this intro paragraph, it is short, to the point and seems to get across all the relevant information.
o Body – These body paragraphs also sound really good, they mention your skills and relate them specifically to this position. I agree with jrdavies that the “full knowledge” wording might be worth rewording.
o Conclusion – This conclusion paragraph contains all of the necessary components.
- Block Format used! Very well aligned
- Extremely related to the company and position, not generic at all, good balance between formal and informal.
- In reading this, with the recruiter’s point of view, I would rate you as a knowledgeable candidate who is self confident. The “full knowledge” issue mentioned above may hinder the letter a bit though.
- Very well done on the spelling and mechanical errors, none that I noticed beyond what jrdavies mentioned.
Content/Rhetorical Context
- 1. I feel that you spoke directly to the position at hand. Your wording certainly seems related to the position.
- 2. Yes, the reasons why you applied for this position are very evident.
- 3. Specific skills and technology are most definitely discussed, and anyone working at Eli Lilly should be able to understand what is discussed.
- 4. The position is identified, as is the source. The discussion of your interesting double major is a great way to relate your abilities to this position.
- 5. Conclusion contains contact information! Your recap of relevant skills is great and it ends with a great tone.
- 6. Honestly, this was very well done! With the possibility of what jrdavies mentioned as far as grammatical errors and a change of the “full knowledge” issue, this letter is contains very few problems.
I feel your tone is very well spoken throughout the letter, it is inviting and confident.
Some more detailed keywords may be in order, but otherwise your discussion of your education is appropriate.
Thanks!
JFlitt
www.JFlitt.com