English 421Y: Technical Writing Online

Form and Style
This cover letter does include all the necessary components mentioned in the readings. The author has used the correct block format. I think the style of the letter is very appropriate for the situation, one tip I received from the Career Center at Purdue is that you want the cover letter to focus on your how your qualities will be of benefit to them directly. One way to do this is not using ‘I’ so much and instead tailor the sentences on how their team could benefit. The tone of the cover letter is professional and matter of fact. However, I would end the introductory paragraph with the sentence “ I believe my experience and education would be a valuable addition to ‘insert company name’. Rather than just saying ‘your company’. This will seem to the HR coordinator as if you are just sending out a general cover letter to every company you can apply to and just changing the first sentence. In the third paragraph, I’m not sure if Pilot should be capitalized. Sought-after is also spelled wrong at the end of the fourth paragraph.

Content/Rhetorical Context
In terms of speaking directly to the job ad, the second sentence is “I am applying for the position as a Field Service Representative advertised on Monster.com.” While this does speak directly to the job ad, I would change the first part of that sentence to “I would like to apply…” I would also possibly change that sentence to the first sentence. I do think the author does a good job as to stating why he has applied for that position. He states that he would like to hold a position as a lead inspector on new concept aircraft power-plants someday. The next two paragraphs also go on to his personal and academic achievements and how they would help him in that field. The author doesn’t necessarily use terminology that experienced people might be looking for, but instead uses his personal achievements to shed light on the kind of employee he would be. He identifies the position applied for, its source, and his reasons why he is well suited for the job. His conclusion also indicated how he can be contacted. I think that the most important revision you need to make is in the second and third paragraphs. The information in these paragraphs are probably somewhere in your resume and the fact that you have been able to hold a steady job while going to school is something you want the reader to see in your resume and ask you about at the interview.

As far as the questions to be answered: 1. The formatting is typical, block style formatting and I don’t think it loses my attention. This should be the effect you are going for. 2. Personally, I think you go too deep into awards and personal interest. The awards should be listed on your resume and personal interests are usually talked about during an interview.

I do think your credentials and experience are very impressive and if I were a person reading your resume, I would probably want to contact you for further information about your military career. A little trimming down of the scope of the letter and it would probably draw a lot of attention.