English 421Y: Technical Writing Online

Form & Style
1. You appear to have all of the necessary components of the cover letter.
2. Your cover letter uses block formatting.
3. I feel that the style of your cover letter is fine for the occasion. It seems like it is formal, but not so formal where it feels like you are reading something written by a computer.
4. I feel that you cover letters tone is acceptable. You explain your experiences and skills in an effective way without overly exaggerating or bragging. You don’t come off as a know it all and appear like you think you deserve the job no matter what.
5. I did not fine any spelling or mechanical errors.

Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I though that you used the terms and keywords from the job as effectively. The only thing I could see you doing would be to maybe sue some of the terms from the qualifications section of the job ad.
2. You listed multiple reasons why you are applying to this position in your conclusion.
3. I thought you used terminology that other people in your profession would recognize.
4. In your introduction you listed the position you were applying for as well as the major reasons why you should be considered, but you did not list the source of the job.
5. In your conclusion you listed how you could be contacted and I also felt that you ended well. You basically recapped your skills and why you should be considered for this position.
6. I think the most important revision you should make would be to incorporate some more keywords. Specifically form the qualifications section of the job ad.

Do I use too much detail? Should my paragraphs be more concise?
Do I use good supporting information and examples?

I did not fell that you used too much detail. I felt that you explained your skills and experiences in a straight-to-the-point manner. You did overly exaggerate yourself and you didn’t seem like you were trying to inflate your ego. You seem to support the skills that you stated to have in your introduction effectively in your body paragraphs.

I am going to number these, because it made things easier for me when I read my evaluations.

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. I think that the tone and working of your letter is appropriate, but the format is slightly generic. While looking through some of the other cover letters, I noticed that some people kept their name and contact information large and centered similar to their resumes, I think that this could make your cover letter stand out.
4. Yes I think you take the right tone, I perticularly like the way you talk very specifically in your body paragraphs about your experiences.
5. Not that I noticed in the several times I read it, but it doesn't hurt to go back and look.

1. Without seeing the job ad, I assume that you are using key words throughout the letter that were in it. If phrases like: "I feel that I have outstanding experience with design improvement, validation testing, and prototyping for a recent college graduate" aren't directly from the job ad, try to make these words that do.
2. Yes you do in the last sentence of your opening, but I would try to make a much stronger statement with it. Something like: "I believe that my...make me an ideal candidate." end it there. Because you seem to be ideally qualified for it, but if you don't say so, why should they.
3. This is the strongest part of your cover letter because I didn't understand most of it, but that's ok. you made it sound like you were talking to someone in that industry and didn't dumb everything down. Nice!
4. No, you didn't identify the source. I struggled with this myself because I thought it was kind of weird telling them that I found the job at monster.com, but if you can find a good way to word it, that may save yourself from losing points.
5. I feel this is the area of your cover letter that needs the most work. I was pretty sure that I was the king of run-on sentences, but that first sentence of your conclusion is a duzy. If you cut that paragraph down, you can leave all the important details you have in the body. It will make your cover letter cleaner. I would use a lot of the wording you have, but about half needs to be pruned. I also appreciate it when applicants say they will call the company on a certain date to follow up. This is a personal pereference, but I think it makes a strong statement about how interested you are in actually getting a job with the company.
6. See #5

In regards to your questions, I think that the proffesion that you are going into requires detail. I would try to make strong concise statements in your introduction and conclusion to cut your length down just a little. I love both your body paragraphs (the only thing I would change is that you start the first two sentences of the second body paragraph with I have also and it has also. I would just take out the second also and you're good)

Nice Job!