Q1: Does it seem like including the same header as my resume takes up too much space on the top of the page?
Q2:I think the conclusion could use a little more work, although I'm not sure what to add. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Q1: Does it seem like including the same header as my resume takes up too much space on the top of the page?
Q2:I think the conclusion could use a little more work, although I'm not sure what to add. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Cover Letter suggestions
Great start to your cover letter! You've got a lot of good things going on in here, and I just have a few things to suggest that I think will make your letter a bit stronger.
To answer your questions first, I definitely don't think your header takes up too much space on the page. Business letters often seem to have a lot of space up there anyways. While I'm still not sold on the idea of the header, if you are, I wonder if you could use a different font on this and your resume to help it stand out more. Right now, since it's just a normal sans serif Times New Roman type font, it just seems like you didn't feel like formatting it the normal way.
As to your conclusion, I think it's a fine conclusion. Don't be afraid to ask for an interview, though. There's nothing wrong with directly saying "Please contact me for an interview at xxx-xxx-xxxx." And also, I'm not sure that just because you have the experience and qualifications I would believe that makes you interested in the job. Does it matter that it's at Coca Cola? (And for that matter, you've written Coke Cola!) What makes this job special vs. another job at another company that required the same qualifications?? The answer is what belongs here, I think.
Form & Style
1. You have all the necessary components to your letter, but I would consider changing your salutation. Right now, it reads "To Laura Rob," and while it's GREAT that you have her name, it sounds very stiff! Try using Dear Laura, or Dear Ms. Rob. I think even just using her name "Ms. Rob," or "Laura," would create a better tone than "To Laura," does.
2. You have the traditional structure of a cover letter, but you need to leave your paragraphs flush with the left margin so it's in block format. Remember, this is a business letter!
3. The style of the letter is perfect for the occasion, I think. You're language isn't too formal or constricted (save the salutation).
4. Your tone is great in the first graph, but then I think you lose it a bit. You start rattling off what you did in your previous position (which sounds like amazing experience!) but you don't sound like you enjoyed it. I think you can fix this with more active verbs. Don't just say you "helped" do all of these things. Tell her exactly what you did, and don't be afraid to be more confident.
5. I didn't catch any spelling or mechanical errors, but I would consider just saying "May 2010" instead of keeping the word "of" in between. It looks and sounds a little funny to me for some reason. Just a suggestion.
Context
1. I think your content could be a lot stronger if you focus less on what exactly you did in your last position and more on how it will apply to what they require in the job ad. The ad lists these objectives for the position:
•Learn and experience various areas of the Information Technology organization.
•Participate in job shadowing.
•Capture learnings from assignments in written report.
What about your last position didn't let you learn/experience various areas? Why are you a good fit for this internship? I could be wrong, but I think that because it's an internship and their objective shows that they want to offer you an experience to learn, you should show not only why you're qualified but also why this would complement the experience you do have.
2. Again, to reiterate what I said about your conclusion, why do you care about this position in particular? Is it in a location you want to work in the future? Are you interested in finding out if you like a large corporation like Coca-Cola?
3. You list a lot of the things you did at your last internship, but I know I personally would like to read more about what skills you think you picked up there. They might be soft skills (like time management, teamwork, etc.) or they might be hard (specific programs, coding, etc.) but either way, connect the dots for your reader a little bit more.
4. I think your introduction is very strong. I would take your name out and just start with "I am writing to apply for ..." Your name is the biggest thing on the page already, I don't think you need to restate it!
5. Good job listing your contact info. You might consider putting a second method of contact in there in case your phone doesn't work, etc. You'd hate to not get the interview just because they can't get a hold of you!
6. I think your most important revision will be amping up your tone a little bit. Help them see that you're excited about this and you WANT the experience they have to offer you. Since you don't want to do this explicitly, your tone is the only chance to do so until the interview!
Hope this helps. Good luck with the rest of your project!
Kristin