1. Do I need to put more specific details about my previous work/school experiences?
2. Does my format seem correct, or do I need to change it?
1. Do I need to put more specific details about my previous work/school experiences?
2. Does my format seem correct, or do I need to change it?
Feedback
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
All of your necessary components are included.
2. Does the author use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Your format flows well and follows the aforementioned format.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal, formal, or generic? Explain.
The style is a little too informal, really not too noticeably though. I would try and use more descriptive words to enhance the tone and style.
4. Does the author take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? Highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You seem to be a very qualified individual with some of your past experiences. I do feel however, that you could maybe get away with bragging a little more. Talk about some of your specific work at your internships, and take some pride in some of the project you were a part of.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them.
The following sentence is a little lengthy I would split it up into multiple sentences. You could go about this several ways.
“Throughout my Grand Prix Experience and last two internships I had with Target Chip Ganass Racing and Subaru of Indiana Automotive I have acquired technical skills in investigating process improvements, using AutoCAD, designing new parts and new production layouts, and investigating product quality.”
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of the author's qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
You did a good job of using descriptive words to explain how you would fit the job ad and ultimately the position. However, there wasn’t much concrete evidence to back this up. Like I said earlier give specific examples of projects that would show how you fufill these characteristics.
2. Does the author mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Not directly. I suppose you could infer that he would be applying because he’s a recent college graduate.
3. Does the author identify specific skills using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the author does speak in laments terms when necessary and makes it easy for all of his audience to understand.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it?
Yes. He has outlined all of these factors very well and proficiently.
5. Does the conclusion indicate how the author can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes. He includes all necessary information and seems enthusiastic about meeting for the position.
6. What is the most important revision the author should make? Explain.
I would say using some more concrete examples of why he is qualified. I would like to hear more about the new parts he designed how he did this and how these skills could transfer to the position he’s interested in.
AUTHOR QUESTIONS
1. Do I need to put more specific details about my previous work/school experiences?
I think a little more detail about your previous work would be great. Show them how your skills from this will transfer.
2. Does my format seem correct, or do I need to change it?
Format seems fine to me.