English 421Y: Technical Writing Online

Form and Style
- Components
o Return Address: very good!
o Header – There seems to be a lack of a header, I’m not sure if this is the same as what was used on your resume, but a professional header may add a good feel to this Cover letter.
o Salutation – Looks appropriate once you know their name!
o Intro Paragraph – The fact that the first 3 sentences starts with “I” stood out as I was reading through this intro paragraph, a bit of rewording may be in order. The sentence where you say “I believe I have a qualified skills set” makes it seem as if you aren’t SURE that you have the necessary skills.
o Body – Though it is difficult not to start some sentences with “I” it seems quite a few of these also begin with “I”. Try to relate more to the company, “I can be a benefiting factor in the work place”, could maybe be reworded to say, “in your business” or “with Welding Inc.”.
o Conclusion – You may want to restate the main reasons as to why you will benefit this company and why you want this position. The “Thanks Again” at the end should go below the paragraph, rather than as the last sentence.
- Block Format used! Very well aligned
- Comes off as a bit generic, you might try relating more to the company itself, it does seem formal though!
- In reading this, with the recruiters point of view, I find myself unsure of your opinion of your own abilities, add some enthusiasm!
- I’m not sure if its just my lack of “correct grammar” knowledge, but the last part of the first sentence sounds a bit odd.

Content/Rhetorical Context
- 1. The letter comes off somewhat basic or general, try to relate more to the position at hand. You may also want to try to include more keywords, it doesn’t seem like many were used. Be as specific as you can about your qualifications.
- 2. Yes, the reasons why you applied for this position are evident.
- 3. Specific skills and technology need to be more elaborated upon.
- 4. The position is identified, but no source is identified, the major reasons seem to be touched upon.
- 5. Conclusion contains contact information! Some recap of your reasons for applying might be good.
- 6. Just be more specific and confident. Try not to use words like try and believe in the context that they have been used within this draft letter. You want to be SURE, or at least want them to think you are sure!

I don’t think the length is bad, but content does need some work as mentioned above.

The second paragraph is somewhat relevant, but try to really be specific in regards to how your experiences relate to that position at that company!

Thanks!
JFlitt

Form and Style
1. Yes, it is organized very well, except is your name supposed to be at the top above your address? I am not sure, but I thought it was.
2. Yes, your block format is perfect.
3. The style is good.
4. The tone is fairly good, but I believe if you talk a little bit more about your knowledge and experience with manufacturing and welding, the tone will be perfect.
5. No spelling or grammatical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I believe that you could be more direct towards the job you are pursuing. You don't say much about what interests you to this specific job. You say that you "interested to see if the methods I learned from Purdue University are applicable in real factory settings." Well, I think we all hope that Purdue is teaching us applicable methodologies. You should state specific methods that you learned from Purdue, and show confidence that they will work in real factory settings. Then state how these methods and your experience will improve the company.
2. You have stated reasons why you have applied, but I think they are vague and too general. You state "a respectable job field." You should put this company's name here instead. Try to not be so generalized and focus more on this individual company.
3. Not really, I do not see many technical statements that show you have in-depth experience with welding. I understand you went to Australia and learned about their culture, but I think the company would rather learn what welding experiences you've had. You can mention that you went to Australia and have knowledge of a different culture, but try to focus on more welding and manufacturing knowledge that you have.
4. You specify the position applied for, but not the source (company). Also, you state why but like I said before, try to be more specific.
5. Yes, it ends on a high note and you have contact information.
6. The most important revision you should make is being more specific towards this company and actual position. Also, include specific manufacturing and welding knowledge and experience to show that you will better the company.

Questions
1. The second paragraph is a little relevant; you could mention one sentence about Australia to show that you're horizons have been broadened by seeing another culture. Again, I would concentrate more on your actual welding and manufacturing experience and knowledge.
2. It could be a little longer, but I think it's about quality over quantity. If it was me having to read it, I am a "raider" for information like this class talked about before, so I may like shorter, more concise and to-the-point cover letters.