Submitted by HiggsBoson on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 00:47.
Form and Style
-Components: all present
-Block Format: It looks like you will have to left-align your name and return address section at the top of the page.
-Formality: I would say that the formality level is right, your body paragraphs are well directed-so not generic. Also, I'm not sure if this is required, but it's just what I learned about 1000 years ago--when addressing people in formal letters you should use the " : " instead of " , " in the "Dear person:" part of the letter.
-Tone: I think this is fine too, there is definitely some enthusiasm-particularly towards the end, but not at all boasting.
-SP/Mechanical Errors: 'programs listed in the qualification
section a Technical Director Resident must have.' add a "that" after "section" or reword this somehow. Second paragraph 4th sentence may have comma issues around "where" and "rigging"; also a tense issue in this sentence with "involve".
Content
-Qualifications: I think you've laid out your qualifications effectively weaving in several key words. It may have gotten a little 'listy' though, maybe focus your enthusiasm on a particular project that used all of the programs you have listed or something like that.
-Reasons for Application: You could probably add something for this section. Mention something about the company that shows your interest in them specifically.
-Skills: I'd say this part is ok, you may even go a little more technical if you want.
-Intro: Looks good
-Conclusion: This is pretty good, I'm not sure exactly what is meant by "does the author end on a high note" but your conclusion is certainly better than mine.
Author's Questions
-Your tone is fine
-Your experience could be expanded on a little, see what I have written above.
Overall I think that your letter has all the necessary components and flows very well. The style seems informal and works very well to get your point across with the cover letter. It creates a more conversational style and is a better approach. The block format is used throughout the letter. I like your tone in the last paragraph with the exclamation marks to explain your excitement about the job. Explaining that this job is a dream job to Pixar and why you would be a good candidate. The tone in the other paragraphs is well needed to explain your experience and how you can contribute with your training. I think the only mechanical error is maybe you should write March 1, 2009.
I think that your letter definitely speaks directly to the job ad. I think that maybe in the second paragraph you can relate the information more to the job ad. I think that you named all the specific skills needed to be a great candidate for the job, but you maybe might add some more reasons why you applied for the position. Your conclusion paragraph explains that the company can contact you for further questions but your email is not present in the cover letter. It is probably on your resume but it might need to be added to the cover letter. I like how the letter ends on a high note and I do not think that there needs to be much revision to your letter.
Modifications
Form and Style
-Components: all present
-Block Format: It looks like you will have to left-align your name and return address section at the top of the page.
-Formality: I would say that the formality level is right, your body paragraphs are well directed-so not generic. Also, I'm not sure if this is required, but it's just what I learned about 1000 years ago--when addressing people in formal letters you should use the " : " instead of " , " in the "Dear person:" part of the letter.
-Tone: I think this is fine too, there is definitely some enthusiasm-particularly towards the end, but not at all boasting.
-SP/Mechanical Errors: 'programs listed in the qualification
section a Technical Director Resident must have.' add a "that" after "section" or reword this somehow. Second paragraph 4th sentence may have comma issues around "where" and "rigging"; also a tense issue in this sentence with "involve".
Content
-Qualifications: I think you've laid out your qualifications effectively weaving in several key words. It may have gotten a little 'listy' though, maybe focus your enthusiasm on a particular project that used all of the programs you have listed or something like that.
-Reasons for Application: You could probably add something for this section. Mention something about the company that shows your interest in them specifically.
-Skills: I'd say this part is ok, you may even go a little more technical if you want.
-Intro: Looks good
-Conclusion: This is pretty good, I'm not sure exactly what is meant by "does the author end on a high note" but your conclusion is certainly better than mine.
Author's Questions
-Your tone is fine
-Your experience could be expanded on a little, see what I have written above.
Cover Letter Summary
Overall I think that your letter has all the necessary components and flows very well. The style seems informal and works very well to get your point across with the cover letter. It creates a more conversational style and is a better approach. The block format is used throughout the letter. I like your tone in the last paragraph with the exclamation marks to explain your excitement about the job. Explaining that this job is a dream job to Pixar and why you would be a good candidate. The tone in the other paragraphs is well needed to explain your experience and how you can contribute with your training. I think the only mechanical error is maybe you should write March 1, 2009.
I think that your letter definitely speaks directly to the job ad. I think that maybe in the second paragraph you can relate the information more to the job ad. I think that you named all the specific skills needed to be a great candidate for the job, but you maybe might add some more reasons why you applied for the position. Your conclusion paragraph explains that the company can contact you for further questions but your email is not present in the cover letter. It is probably on your resume but it might need to be added to the cover letter. I like how the letter ends on a high note and I do not think that there needs to be much revision to your letter.