Form and Style:
-This cover letter includes all of the necessary components.
-Block formatting is used here.
-The style is too generic, especially in the intro and conclusion. Try not to use the word “company” as much and get specific about who you're applying to. Also, instead of “To Whom It May Concern” use the HR persons name or at least something more personal.
-The writer does not sound like they are gushing but does sound like they are bragging on occasions. For instance, when you say “I also consider myself to work very well with people” you should change it to some experience or situation that proves you do.
-For mechanical errors, you need a space after the colon following “email.” Your second sentence that starts out “I believe that I would...” needs revision. In your third paragraph, the sentence that starts “For a list of qualities...” is a fragment.
Content/Context
-The cover letter appears to directly address the ad with mention to the need of “presentations” and “working skills” but could specifically address the job better. Bring in more key words.
-The author does not mention specifically why he applied. This should be in your intro. Mention how you would like to grow within the career.
-The only specific skill the author mentions is Microsoft Office, which is still bland. This area needs improvement.
-The introductory paragraph does not identify the position applied for, its source, or the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it.
-The conclusion does end in a high note speaking of the future however, it does not list how to contact him.
-I think the most important revision would be to get way more specific. Statements like “When it comes down to concrete working skills, I have a wide array of different past work experiences and studies that would make me very marketable for a wide array of jobs” you are not only being redundant but also vague.
For your questions:
Do I need to be more specific on my topics or include more?
-Definitely get more specific. You could also include more, you just need to use the space effectively.
Is my tone one that would be acceptable to my reader?
-The tone is great but the wording could be more personal.
Submitted by Beachside32 on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 21:49.
Form and Style
1.Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
-Yes.
2.Does the author use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
-Yes.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal, formal, or generic?
- The tone of voice from my prospective comes off a little informal/generic. You didn't mention the company name or too much in depth about the job position, so it quite possible it could suit the occasion.
4.Does the author take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? Highly qualified without bragging?) .
-The tone of voice is claim with a whisper of a thrill. Could add a little enthusiasm in my opinion.
5.Are there any spelling or mechanical errors?
-One sentence you might want to consider revising is “...different situations, and[no comma] [remove lastly] an overall good knowledge...” Content/Rhetorical Context
1.Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of the author's qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
-The author describes the job position with” able to work well doing presentations and “working skill”. Bring more keywords into your cover letter.
2.Does the author mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position?
- The author did not mention why he applied for this specific job position. You discuss why this specific job ad appeals to you in your intro paragraph.
3.Does the author identify specific skills using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
- I would give more in depth details of your presentation experience that you might of encountered. Maybe bring in some background presentation experience from your course classes or at internship.
4.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it?
-The author does not identify the position he applied for, it's source or majors reasons why the it suits him.
5.Does the conclusion indicate how the author can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note?
- I personally didn't like the last sentence of the conclusion. I realize there's an attack approach you can take with a cover letter, but I didn't think that sentence flows with the rest of the paragraph. You could revise it with “ I hope to schedule an interview at convenient time” or something along that nature.
6.What is the most important revision the author should make?
-Go more in depth with your presentation experience to support your reasons why you would be a suitable fit for this company.
Do I need to be more specific on my topics or include more?
-Yes. I think being more specific on your topics can improve your cover letter.
Is my tone one that would be acceptable to my reader?
- I think your tone is pretty good,but maybe add a little more thrill to it.
Cover letter reply!
Form and Style:
-This cover letter includes all of the necessary components.
-Block formatting is used here.
-The style is too generic, especially in the intro and conclusion. Try not to use the word “company” as much and get specific about who you're applying to. Also, instead of “To Whom It May Concern” use the HR persons name or at least something more personal.
-The writer does not sound like they are gushing but does sound like they are bragging on occasions. For instance, when you say “I also consider myself to work very well with people” you should change it to some experience or situation that proves you do.
-For mechanical errors, you need a space after the colon following “email.” Your second sentence that starts out “I believe that I would...” needs revision. In your third paragraph, the sentence that starts “For a list of qualities...” is a fragment.
Content/Context
-The cover letter appears to directly address the ad with mention to the need of “presentations” and “working skills” but could specifically address the job better. Bring in more key words.
-The author does not mention specifically why he applied. This should be in your intro. Mention how you would like to grow within the career.
-The only specific skill the author mentions is Microsoft Office, which is still bland. This area needs improvement.
-The introductory paragraph does not identify the position applied for, its source, or the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it.
-The conclusion does end in a high note speaking of the future however, it does not list how to contact him.
-I think the most important revision would be to get way more specific. Statements like “When it comes down to concrete working skills, I have a wide array of different past work experiences and studies that would make me very marketable for a wide array of jobs” you are not only being redundant but also vague.
For your questions:
Do I need to be more specific on my topics or include more?
-Definitely get more specific. You could also include more, you just need to use the space effectively.
Is my tone one that would be acceptable to my reader?
-The tone is great but the wording could be more personal.
Shane
Cover Letter Reply
Form and Style
1.Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
-Yes.
2.Does the author use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
-Yes.
3.Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal, formal, or generic?
- The tone of voice from my prospective comes off a little informal/generic. You didn't mention the company name or too much in depth about the job position, so it quite possible it could suit the occasion.
4.Does the author take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? Highly qualified without bragging?) .
-The tone of voice is claim with a whisper of a thrill. Could add a little enthusiasm in my opinion.
5.Are there any spelling or mechanical errors?
-One sentence you might want to consider revising is “...different situations, and[no comma] [remove lastly] an overall good knowledge...”
Content/Rhetorical Context
1.Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of the author's qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
-The author describes the job position with” able to work well doing presentations and “working skill”. Bring more keywords into your cover letter.
2.Does the author mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position?
- The author did not mention why he applied for this specific job position. You discuss why this specific job ad appeals to you in your intro paragraph.
3.Does the author identify specific skills using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
- I would give more in depth details of your presentation experience that you might of encountered. Maybe bring in some background presentation experience from your course classes or at internship.
4.Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it?
-The author does not identify the position he applied for, it's source or majors reasons why the it suits him.
5.Does the conclusion indicate how the author can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note?
- I personally didn't like the last sentence of the conclusion. I realize there's an attack approach you can take with a cover letter, but I didn't think that sentence flows with the rest of the paragraph. You could revise it with “ I hope to schedule an interview at convenient time” or something along that nature.
6.What is the most important revision the author should make?
-Go more in depth with your presentation experience to support your reasons why you would be a suitable fit for this company.
Do I need to be more specific on my topics or include more?
-Yes. I think being more specific on your topics can improve your cover letter.
Is my tone one that would be acceptable to my reader?
- I think your tone is pretty good,but maybe add a little more thrill to it.