Dear Employer,
I am a perfect match for your Software Engineer position at CRA’s Boston branch. I have eight years of experience programming in C# and I led an extensive research project at Purdue University on algorithms for data mining stock market information. Additionally, I am a very self driven and distinguished individual who can advance CRA’s financial software package.
C# is my primary language. I have been programming in it since C# 1.0 and have paid close attention to the evolution of C#, VB .NET, and the .NET platform over the past 8 years. I am proficient with every language feature and almost all of the libraries, design patterns, and methodologies surrounding it. Not only can I use this language to its fullest capacity in order to develop well-designed and well-functioning applications, but I can also educate other employees about it.
As a Purdue graduate research project in computer science, I designed an algorithm with the help of a professor which inferred investment information of large closed-ended mutual funds in the stock market. I built a C# application to visually display the data and predictions of our algorithm for arbitrary mutual funds using data automatically obtained from the web. During this project, I was exposed to many financial concepts which will be of good use to your company.
I have worked at Microsoft, NVIDIA, and Motorola working on some of the world’s newest and toughest challenges. These employers have all been extremely satisfied with my work and, if hired, I plan to bring at least as much satisfaction to your company.
Sincerely yours,
Emil Stefanov
Some ideas for you..
Form and Style
-As far as your form goes on this document you may want to look at page 225 in the book to get a good idea of how it should be laid out. You didn’t include any addresses at the top which you may want to revise.
-You did do well using block format with all the text flush with the left side of the page.
-You may want to take a look at your style in this cover letter. You were more towards in informal side and should try to be more on the formal and professional side. You need to include the company you are trying to gain employment with in your cover letter.
-Your tone is a little over the top in terms of bragging on yourself. “I am a perfect match for your Software Engineer position at CRA’s Boston branch.” May not be a good sentence to start off with. This seems like the In-Your-Face approach we read about last week. You do give many qualifications that apply to the job, however you sound more like you are just bragging about it and not telling why your experience can help.
-In terms of spelling and grammar errors you may want to check out your sentence: “As a Purdue graduate research project in computer science, I designed an algorithm with the help of a professor which inferred investment information of large closed-ended mutual funds in the stock market.” The first part of this sentence doesn’t make sense in my eyes. I think you may have meant to put In a Purdue ….project….
Content/Context
-It doesn’t really sound like you are speaking directly in response to a job ad. There are many keywords it seems, but it’s not clear that they pertain to the job ad itself.
-You don’t really tell why you are applying to this specific job. You mainly just list qualifications and things you’ve used in the past regarding to the job.
-You do use specific skills that other people in this field would recognize, but you may have used too many and made it sound like a list of programs you have used before.
-In your introductory paragraph you do tell what job you are applying for, but not where you saw this job ad. You do give a couple reasons why you may be good for the job but are a little over the top when you say you are a “perfect match” for the job.
-Your conclusion does not give any way to contact you if they want to do further interviews or anything like that. It does end on a high note but this high note sounds more like you boasting about how the previous companies like your work.
-Overall I think you should take a look at the example on page 225 and think about how they wrote their cover letter in terms of the different paragraphs having different purposes. Yours has very good information about yourself but you may want to include more things about this company. I think you need to change a few things especially your introduction, because it sounds a little “braggy”. Each paragraph in your cover letter basically sounds the same because each one is you telling about your experience again and again.
Cover Letter Critique
As for as format and style, you correctly put your letter in block format. Typically you would have an address and return address on the top of the letter. you did include an introduction, body, and conclusion, which were fitting.
Something I would take a look at is the tone you chose to use. Have many skills and seem to be well qualified, you seem a little over confident which is unnecessary because you are so qualified. Try to be grateful for the opportunity for the application and let your skills do the real talking. Make yourself out to be a person others would like to have around in the work place.
Content/Rhetorical Context:
Your cover letter has lots of good information retaining to your skill level and experience. I would advise you to mention very specifically the position on which you are applying for. Go in there with a high standard, if you don't mention a position they may hire you for a job you are way over qualified for. After you have that specific position, tell why you would be good for the part. With your experience the employer will be impressed.
At the end I like how you mention your last employers and the work you have done for them. I would suggest you revise your last sentence, "I plan to bring at least as much satisfaction to your company." It may just be me but the "at least" part could be scratched.
You cover letter is headed in the right direction, of the one thing I would change it would be the tone.