1/ Why does the power and internet have to continually go out when I am trying to work on my online classes?
2/ This part in the first sentence in the second paragraph really bothers me: "for the work your company does," but I couldn't think of another way to word that at the time.
3/ I feel like I wrote too much from my resume.
4/ I feel like I need more information about my internship.
Cover Letter critiques and ideas.
Form and Style:
-This cover letter includes all of the necessary components.
-Block formatting is used here which creates a nice even left side of text.
-I believe that this letter is good in terms of being formal enough to be effective, but not being too over the top or pompous. You give enough information about previous experience that will link you to what this job entails in a formal yet subtle way.
-In this letter you used the right tone. You were enthusiastic about the job and gave your qualifications well without sounding like you are bragging on yourself.
-There are no spelling or mechanical errors that I can see.
Content/Context
-I believe that the second paragraph gives many good keywords like “dynamics”, “materials”, and speaks about CAD which goes along with the qualifications of this job. The only thing you may have done better is to maybe give a few details of what kind of technical documents and drawings you may have worked with.
-The only thing you mentioned about why you want the job is that you are “greatly interested in the company’s line of work”. That is not very specific but I still think it is effective with all the other experience and education backing it up.
-You do a good job of identifying specific skills and use proper terminology that other people in this field would easily recognize and know what you were talking about.
-Your introductory paragraph does tell what the job is, where you found it, and gives brief but effective examples of how you are suited for the job.
-The conclusion paragraph gives proper ways to contact you and also ends with a positive note on your part when you talked about your “education, experience, and personality”, helping you to help them.
-I can’t really think of any kind of revisions you could make to help your chances. It seems to be a well rounded and effective cover letter that includes good solid information on why you would be a good candidate for the job.
In regards to your questions:
1. I feel your pain because that is one of the most frustrating things when doing online school work. You are normally in the middle of something then BAM power goes out or computer goes crazy.
2. “My diverse academic experiences at Purdue University have allowed me to gain an understanding and enthusiasm towards the type of work your company performs.”
-Maybe something like this would sound a little better. Just an example, I don’t know if it sounds any better.
3. I think that your cover letter sounds good even if you did write a lot from your resume you may have reinforced the information using more examples and detail.
4. As far as you internship goes you could maybe just give a few more examples of what you did or go into more detail about what you did when you operated and maintained the presses and machinery.
Be specific
First to address your questions:
1. You broke the interwebs.
2. Could be be more specific with what the company does? For example you might think of changing the sentence to some like, "...gain an understanding and enthusiasm for the research and development of more efficient left handed widget manufacturing." That would be a better way to put it and express interest in the company.
3. I wouldn't abbreviate CCG so that if the reader doesn't remember what it stands for they don't have to look back to your resume. I felt your 2nd paragraph was very resume-ish. I would recommend re-reading the Instructor Blog #3, especially the 6th paragraph where it talks about being specific about what you've done in past jobs.
4. See #3. By being more specific I think that you'll have more to write about.
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes
2. Does the author use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal, formal, or generic? Explain.
The style of the letter is slightly "wooden". Could be a little more conversational. Save the resume language for the resume.
4. Does the author take the right tone? (E.g., come off as enthusiastic without gushing? Highly qualified without bragging?) Explain.
You should expand more on your qualifications. What "broad range of software including monitoring and simulation programs" did you use? You gained knowledge of inspections. Were there any industry standards you had to learn? Why are you reliable and self motivated?
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them.
I think this needs corrected but I'm not sure which one would be better/more correct: "I am a reliable[,]/[and] self-motivated...".
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad, using keywords to organize the discussion of the author's qualifications? Even if it does, what could be done better?
Uses the general qualifications of "reliable, self-motivated, teamwork" but I think these could be expanded upon as to why (i.e. "I worked on a team with 20 people testing and inspecting widgets.") that would show actual team experience instead of "I can work with a team.". I also feel that you could expand on industry specific keywords.
2. Does the author mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
Yes. "coursework is heavily focused on mathematics, dynamics and materials", "knowledge on the inspection of products, including instrumental and software based inspections".
3. Does the author identify specific skills using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
I don't fee you use specific enough terminology. Most of it reads like resume-speak.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for, its source, and then the major reason(s) why the author is well-suited to it?
Needs to add why you are well-suited for the position.
5. Does the conclusion indicate how the author can be contacted for further discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes, "I would be a positive asset...", "I look forward to hearing from you in the near future."
6. What is the most important revision the author should make? Explain.
Expanding on his qualifications. Most of what you have written looks like it was pulled straight from the resume. The cover letter gives you the reader's time and more space to expand on those things.
Andy