Although you have a salutation, I would recommend making it more specific. Find out the name of the recruiter that will be reviewing your cover letter.
You did a very good job of making sure that your cover letter adheres to the block letter format.
The style of your cover letter clearly states your skills but it is a bit generic. To fix this I recommend tailoring it to the specific job. It does not hurt to mention the companies name once or twice.
Throughout your cover letter you maintained a confident tone. You could add a little more enthusiasm to it by ending it with “I look forward to hearing from you”.
I’m not the best with commas but in the last paragraph you state, “If you wish to contact me you may call me at….” I think that there should be a comma after “me”. Also in the last paragraph you state “I am eager to work for your company and believe that I have a lot to offer you as well you me.” I would recommend rewording this as some people might feel that it is awkwardly worded.
Content/Rhetorical Context
I think that you could increase the amount your cover letter targets a specific job. I suggest reading the job description and selecting some specific keywords of skills you posses. Tailor your cover letter to accommodate these keywords.
At the end you said that you eager to work for them and that you have a lot to offer. This is good that you feel this way, but I would be surprised if anyone applying for the job was not eager to work for the company. I suggest that you add a little creativity here to make yourself standout to the recruiter.
You did use a couple of technical terms in your cover letter. This is fine as long as your recruiter knows about Cisco routers or UNIX. If your recruiter is less technical, I would suggest changing these.
In the beginning of your cover letter you do state why you feel that you would be a good candidate for the system administration position but you fail to state where you found out about the opening.
You do a good job of providing your contact information to the recruiter. By following my advice earlier, to end the cover letter with “I look forward to hearing from you”, you could end the cover letter on a higher note.
I think the biggest thing that you could do to improve your cover letter would be to write in-depth about your experiences. You might also want to add an additional keyword such as leadership.
Writer's Questions
Throughout your cover letter you exhibit a confident tone but as I stated in #4 of Form and Style, you could add some enthusiasm to your cover letter.
I think it would be very beneficial to go into greater detail about your experiences. These experiences are what truly let the recruiters know what your skills are.
Form and Style
1. You have all the key parts.
2. Good solid block format
3. Your style is good and fits the letter.
4. Your tone sounds good. You sound excited and eager to join the company.
5. I didn’t notice any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I think that you did a good job explaining the experience you have and how this makes you a good fit for the position.
2. You mention your experience working with some systems but more detail could be helpful.
3. Your terminology is good and others would know what you are talking about.
4. I think you struck the nail on the head as to why you are looking to apply for this position.
5. You did a good job concluding the letter in a way that they can easily contact you.
6. I think that the most important revision that you can make is including more detail about some of your examples of what you’ve done. Other than that it looks good.
Writer's Questions
Your tone sounds good for the letter. I think you were straight forward with you experience and why you are applying. I do think that some more detail however could be useful.
Cover Letter Review
Form and Style
Content/Rhetorical Context
Writer's Questions
Cover Letter Review
Form and Style
1. You have all the key parts.
2. Good solid block format
3. Your style is good and fits the letter.
4. Your tone sounds good. You sound excited and eager to join the company.
5. I didn’t notice any spelling or mechanical errors.
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. I think that you did a good job explaining the experience you have and how this makes you a good fit for the position.
2. You mention your experience working with some systems but more detail could be helpful.
3. Your terminology is good and others would know what you are talking about.
4. I think you struck the nail on the head as to why you are looking to apply for this position.
5. You did a good job concluding the letter in a way that they can easily contact you.
6. I think that the most important revision that you can make is including more detail about some of your examples of what you’ve done. Other than that it looks good.
Writer's Questions
Your tone sounds good for the letter. I think you were straight forward with you experience and why you are applying. I do think that some more detail however could be useful.
-Chris