English 420Y - Business Writing Online

This week I focused on revising some parts of my draft based on the client’s opinion. I removed the word “stationary” from the donation part. As other group members suggested, I tried to add some more information on what donations will be used to. However, I couldn’t find any other usage of donation after interviewing the manager of CFRC community. I emailed about this to my group members to hear their opinions. All of our group members shared some similar ideas about our second draft. We had two alternative messages which might distract readers’ attention.

This week our group mainly focused on revising the article of our brochures. This week's reading was very helpful to put variety and rhythm on the sentences of our article. As the instructor commented on my part, the information of donation, I removed the specific person's name and contact information. I inserted the CFRC's contact information instead. In addition, the instructor’s comment that due to the regulation, the donation should be used only for the Christmas Day event but not for other areas of the community was very important information.

Appeal to Emotions: (+) I think, our group did a good job on this area. We added proper pictures to make people want to volunteer and share the Christmas day event. I liked how green and red colors used in our brochures. I think our brochures have become eye pleasing with those complementary colors.

Be Professional: (+) The pictures, colors, and font style have been used properly with enough space. Therefore, I would like to say that our brochures look professional.

This week’s project activity was much more creative than last week. Since my writing part was information for donation, I researched about CFRC and had a short call-interview with Danna Tirrell, the person in charge of the Christmas day dinner event.

After reading chapter 24, I could learn how important it was to relate pictures to the text properly. I liked the project checklist on page 561. It gave me clearer idea for integrating images into the text. I think the pictures used in our brochure have been applied efficiently and properly. They served specific functions and bolstered the argument, asking people to take part in the Christmas day event. For example, below “The CFRC Christmas Day Dinner” part, we inserted the picture of smiling Santa Claus with CFRC logo.

After being assigned to a group, I emailed to my group members and introduced myself.

The brochure I found online is below.
http://www.epa.gov/oppfead1/Publications/catalog/greenscaping.pdf

Attached is my draft.

Any comments and criticisms are welcome!

The video I found intersting is below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOo-tG9q2h0&mode=related&search=