English 420Y - Business Writing Online

This week our group started off by making changes to our second draft. I helped change some of the text, removed some information that was not necessary, and added a few things to the text. Most of the changes that I made corresponded to the feedback that we received on our first draft. I then did a peer review of another group’s brochure and this helped me get some more ideas and see what other groups are doing to make their brochure effective.

We started out the week by critiquing our first draft of the project. Ryan gave Steve and I some very helpful tips on how to make the general brochure more effective. The first thing I did was tone down the shade of the colors I was using. Looking back on it now, it did seem like it was more of a cartoon than information for the humane society.

This week was a little more relaxed for me. Last week Matt and I picked up a lot of the work so this week, John and Laura took charge. We were continuously posted with the progress they were making. I was able to give some feedback on the drafts before they went up on the site. A lot of the instructor suggestions and peer edits were taken into account which made this weeks brochures really good!

Appeal to emotion :(+) I think our brochures appealed to emotion very well. The best way to appeal to emotion according to me is to make good used of pictures and both our brochures did that extremely well.

Be Professional: I think this was one of our strongest points. We maintained professionalism with the format of the brochure and in our style of writing. Using publisher also helped make it look more professional.

5:00 – Appeal to Emotions (+)
I think that both our brochures have a strong appeal to their audiences’ emotions. The images and graphics used in both the brochures, while informative, are very emotionally compelling. However, I do feel that some pictures need to be adjusted and altered a little to create an even stronger effect. Overall text content is very good and appealing in both brochures.

4:00 – Be Professional (+)

Appeal to Emotions: +
Even people who don't currently own a pet can be moved by the idea of helping animals. Since both of our brochures deal with domesticated animals, specifically in the adoption, caring for an housing of said animals, the emotion appeal is easily identified whenever we speak of the help the shelter gives.
Be Professional: +

Appeal to Emotions (+)
I think our bochure appeals to the emotion of the people. A lot of people adopt a pet when they feel lonely. We have used the pictures showing happy owners playing with their pets. Other than that we have also used a line saying, "Who wants a cat that hides under the bed when your children try to pet her?" I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this.

Be Professional (+)
All the pictures used in the brochure are of high quality. The colors used are light ad simple.

Be Personal (+)

5:00 Appeal to Emotions: The brochure on the humane society has a very calming design which I think leads to the idea that if you go there the process of adoption will go smoothly. The pet care brochure has a fun design which gets you excited about talking about bringing the new dog home. I think that some more pictures could be added but otherwise it looks good. I give both of them a “+”

This week we decided to meet on Monday to start working on the second draft. Since I did not have the chance to give lots of input for our first draft in the previous week, I decided on Sunday to start the second draft revision by myself. I changed the specific parts mentioned in the feedback you gave us as well as summarize most of the text since I felt we had written too much. I did not summarize it completely since I did not want to decide by myself what parts to eliminate out of the brochure.

Appeal to emotions (+)
I think that our brochure does appeal to the audiences emotions. We used Christmas colors to get our audiences in the mood of Christmas. The pictures we used really showed emotion, such as being happy. Most of the Christmas Parties that are held the goal is to be happy.

Be Professional (-)